What's It To You!?! Part One

This episode discusses understanding the differences between valuation and validation in our lives. How and what we value in our lives and what we consider valid in our lives.  Andre and Anitra share examples of how we use this knowledge to make decisions and the importance of your sibling relationship in defining valuation and validation. 

Have you ever wondered what determines your value system?  Or even the relationships that you consider valuable and how we justify and validate those relationships.  The episode explores the impact that value and validation have on each other and how we use that scale to invest in or disconnect in the relationships in our lives.  

Let’s take a deep dive into defining value and validity and the influence of our family experiences based on the choices that come from those definitions. This episode is for you if you question your worth, if others seem to lack value in who you are in their lives, and/or if you often do not feel accepted in your current relationships.  The Savage Siblings share ways to avoid indecisiveness, understand your worth and choose to move forward beyond validation to purpose. 

Memorable Quotes:

• When the gift has more value than the cost, you can go further in life. ~ Andre 
• Sometimes siblings have to reaffirm our value. ~ Anitra
• Can I find value in something greater than what I am? ~ Andre
• I need to assign a value to an experience. ~ Andre
• Role of valuation occurs before you choose the action. ~ Andre
• Value will shine a light on inconsistencies. ~ Anitra
• Bad sources of valuation will make you look at what others view as validation. ~ Andre
• Identify good and bad sources to see if they are fair partnerships and use teachable moments to move forward. ~ Anitra
• Fair partnerships benefit both if you set boundaries and make sure you are valued. ~ Anitra

Keywords:
#MentalHealth, #therapy,  #psychotherapy, #relationships, #psychology, #healing, #counseling, #ministry, #theology, #transformation, #change, #counselor, #therapist, #wholeness, #healthy, #health, #lifestyle, #mental, #emotions, #emotional, #spiritual, #minister, #christianliving, #christian, #wellness, #lifecoach, #forgiveness, #SavageSibling, #Savage, #Sibling,  #Brother, #Sister, #Family, #Parent, #S2Mediaworks, #SavageSiblingsPodcast, #Keyboardconnections, #Techfriends, #Validation, #Valuation, #Hater, #YourWorth,  #Decisiveness,

Call to Action: 

• Post comments! Leave us a review!
• Share the ways your sibling challenged or encouraged your worth and value growing up! Or perhaps you’ve had enough relationship experiences to understand valuation and validation and put those in proper context.
• Any topics you want us to discuss? Let us know! 

Sound Editors: Kyle Davis and Dwayne McClendon
Music: Maxwell Music
Photography: K.Cross Photography

CHAPTERS
00:00:00 - Introduction
00:01:01 - Sibling Check-In
00:08:18 - Sibling Sound-Off Segment
00:32:40 - Sponsorship: S2 Mediaworks
00:33:26 - Savage Segment: Valuation vs Validation
00:58:38 - Closing: Thanks for joining us!

Brutally Honest. Relentlessly Transparent. Unapologetically Authentic.

Transcript

Anitra: 0:10

Hey , hey, beautiful people. How are we doing? I am Anitra in Lawson, storyteller, producer, educator, sometimes content creator, sometimes all the above. He said sometimes , sometimes he is Dr. Andre Evans.

Andre: 0:27

Good morning, beautiful people. Good evening, good beautiful people. A good night. Wherever, whatever time you might be listening. Welcome

Anitra: 0:33

<laugh> . He is the brother that I always wanted . See, it's a new season. I'm trying

Andre: 0:38

To , it's a new Season.

Anitra: 0:39

Embrace the newness of that , uh, author, father, amazing brother, son, all the above. He has lots of AC accolades that I can't remember right now, but we are the Savage siblings, and this is the Savage Sibling Podcast, where we are brutally honest, relentlessly transparent, and unapologetically authentic. And as always, thank you for joining us for another episode, bro. Bro. Yeah . Yeah . What's been going on?

Andre: 1:04

Hey, what's going on? What's going on? Great week. Just want to give a quick shout out again to all those listening and always that encouragement. For those of you listening on your different vehicles, whether it's YouTube, go ahead and like, and subscribe. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , and share it with somebody. If it's on one of the podcast catchers, whether it's Apple or Spotify, or or, or wherever it is you might be catching, please, please do us a favor right now. Uh, not only subscribe and follow, get those notifications, but rate, let us know how we're doing. If you can make a comment, give a , leave, a review. That's it. We want to go ahead and get this podcast to every set of Savage siblings that we can. Yes. Yes. Uh , so with that, again, just thankful as always, for all of you rocking with us, what's been going on . It's been a long week for me, <laugh> . Um, it has, it has, it's been a long week. And, and the reason why I noticed it's been a long week is because , uh, oftentimes it's how many times have I kind of shared my week with someone that's reached out? How's your week going? How's you going? And one thing I notice , Nikki , mm-hmm. <affirmative>, is that my, my circle is getting smaller as I get older. Yep . No, I'm serious. Yep . It is. It's getting smaller as I get older. And I , and I'm finding more peace with that. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . So let me start there. But I'm trying to figure out, you know, within the past couple of years, like, why did it have this significant drop off ? And here's the reason why it caught my attention. No. It's the reason why it caught my attention. Like, I know I'm my usual, you know , in that part, <laugh> wonderful, beautifully bubbly self. And I, and I do, I often am amazed at how many people still enjoy, you know, who I am. Keep me in their contact list. I do. I'm very amazed. But I had a very significant drop off , uh, that I'm noticing in the past couple of years. And it's, it's because, you know, I stopped using social media and , and here's how I know this. No, no, but here's how I know this. Uh, I got a text message from, from a friend , uh, in the past , uh, not too long ago. And it, it was li and it was just one of these frowning faces and <laugh> . Oh no. It was like , what ? You know, what's good? What's up with that? And, and the person said, well, you, you forgot to wish me happy birthday Uhoh . And I was like, how's I supposed to know it's your birthday? Like , right . Like , and , and unfortunately, you know, I really gotta work on my tact . I'm typing, how am I supposed to know it's your birthday ? Yeah . Like, which should have been just the thought <laugh> .

Anitra: 3:29

That's right.

Andre: 3:30

And the response was is because Facebook tells you. And I was like, I don't do Facebook anymore. Right. Like , I'm not on social media, so nothing's reminding me of anybody's birthday. And, and then I also realized I had to cancel a lot of the calendars in my phone. It's too many because some of those calendars in my phone had people's birthdays I ain't talked to since high school. So I'm like, why do I need to know this person's birthday? Mm . So once I canceled the calendars, I stopped going on Facebook and other , and Instagram, all these other social medias where you just kind of, you know, sell everybody this blanket, happy birthday, whatever. It comes up in your notification. <laugh> . Like , you know, once I stopped doing that, I realized like, yeah, my circle's small. It's small, my circle's really, really small, because I can remember maybe six birthdays a year. Like, that's about it.

Anitra: 4:21

That's it. That's my

Andre: 4:22

Capacity. That's it. That's it. You're right. That's it. That's it . Other than that, which means some of these people were just technology friends. Right. A hundred percent <laugh> . That's it. You're just a technology friend . And I , I , that's why I like, you're not really in the circle. Nope . So, so yeah. I just, I , and I'm good. I'm so good with that. I, I really am , uh, very, very good with that. So, so yeah. The , you know, it's, it's something I realize and , and I find you're embracing it value in a small circle. Yes . I found , found great . I find great value in a small circle. I find I also am not interested in people's opinions of me. Oh yeah . In a small circle. Yep . So , so those things have, have really come about for me this week. Mm-hmm . Uh , and , and , and especially in getting prepared for this particular episode. Those, those things have come about for me. Nice. Uh , so yeah, you wanna know how valuable you are and, and you want to know what you are in people's eyes. Get rid of social media, delete your calendars and

Anitra: 5:23

See <laugh> .

Andre: 5:24

Then you'll see, you'll see , you'll see who's just your technology friend and who's really in your , your circle. So , but that's it for me. What's been good with you.

Anitra: 5:33

I love it. I've learned years ago to stop social media don't start at all because of similar issues where people like you didn't respond or post it. So I totally get that. I was like, they weren't friends anyway. Those were like keyboard connections or something, I don't know. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But yeah. So I like

Andre: 5:49

That keyboard connections. Keyboard connections , it connect . Yeah . I like that.

Anitra: 5:52

Uh , so for me this week is a bit about embracing change. Um, and I , let me just say this. I don't usually like change cuz I Okay . Am a creature of habit. I like structure <laugh> , I like order . Right . And so I like comfort <laugh> .

Andre: 6:06

Right, right,

Anitra: 6:06

Right. And change you , you know, can often be uncomfortable. But in my, you know, my quiet time throughout this week, God told me, he was like, I mean , this is kind of just in Bible study . So when I say it that way, it just stuff that I'm reflecting on. But you know, this notion of how you handle change really comes down to what you value. And , um, now I've had to say, okay, well I value comfort.

Andre: 6:30

Amen. So

Anitra: 6:31

Yeah . I value, yeah . But then I learned with my walk with God, God was like, yeah, but let's talk about what I value. How about we get your , your values <laugh> over here with mine? Just align them a little bit. So yeah . When I say I've been embracing , uh, change this week, it's been good , uh, to just yeah . Kind of shift to things that I value. Um, and it's good to question that too. You know, periodically say you, you know, you thought you valued that, but maybe the change that's happening is because you need to rethink your value system . So ,

Andre: 7:03

Uh , yeah. You know, that's, that's, that's one of those things being , uh, theology, the way God has <laugh> forced me to be in theology. Right. Is that Yeah. We'll say this is comfortable and God will be like, yeah, but I kind of want you to do this, that part and then Right. <laugh> . And then you'll look at what he kind of wants you to do and be like, that don't seem comfortable. Yeah. Don't like that <laugh> , it don't seem comfortable at all. It doesn't fit .

Anitra: 7:27

It doesn't fit , don't fit . Right . What I do . It's Right . Right .

Andre: 7:32

And so yeah, you get yeah. That , that that change, embracing change really is , uh, yeah. Embracing , uh, outta your comfort zone. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But the , I think the great thing though is, is that the great thing about change is, is, is eventually you also become comfortable with the new you, the better you.

Anitra: 7:51

Ooh , that's good . You Oh , that's good . That

Andre: 7:52

Transformed you. That's , that's good. So comfort is, is fleeting anyways . Mm-hmm. <affirmative> comfort is is not meant for eternity. It's meant for a

Anitra: 7:59

Season. That's

Andre: 8:00

Good. That's good comfort is is this saying, you know what, I can find peace wherever I gotta be planted. Yeah. And, and sometimes , um, we gotta do that. So yeah. That's a good thing.

Anitra: 8:08

That's good . That's a good thing. And , and you know, more than the listeners know, I'm sure it'll be a later episode of some of the changes hitting me, but I'm getting strong and I'm getting through it, so there you go. So I love it. So there you go. But let's , um, let's jump into this sound off segment, no

Andre: 8:21

Doubt. Sound off segment

Anitra: 8:25

Sound . Um, I wanna kick it off a bit just cause I wanna give you your flowers. Um, and then I'll pass it back to you as we kind of Okay . Delve into the, the topic here. But, so this episode , um, we are titling it. What's it to you? And you can put a little stank on that when you read it out loud . Yeah . You got a , a whole lot of to yo Right.

Andre: 8:44

What's do you ,

Anitra: 8:45

So this really springboards , um, from a book that my brother is writing that really focuses on , uh, young boys, young men, men learning to properly handle loving relationships. And from he's writing it from the perspective of , uh, of parent. Cuz ideally you want those conversations to happen in youth. And so , um, I've been, I've had the pleasure of sitting on the sidelines and reading some of it, sharing thoughts. And so when I pitched this , uh, episode topic to him, it was because it was just to me so important , uh, to look at what he described as valuation. And I don't know, bobo if you use versus validation, but those two concepts of valuation and

Andre: 9:31

Validation

Anitra: 9:32

And validation, I don't know if necessarily wanna say versus , but we'll unpack it more. And so it it reminded me as I was , uh, uh, reading it that we have to be mindful of the differences , uh, between Yes . How you define valuation and validation Yes . And the proper understanding of that. And so I got super hype about it and I was like, oh, we gotta talk about that. So, you know, this is what we're gonna delve in, delve into today is , uh, is kicking into that. So I'm gonna let Robo start it off and then I'll jump in.

Andre: 10:02

Well, you know, so when we were, when you brought up the topic valuation and validation, and I think at first we were saying valuation versus validation, but by the time I finished really kind of studying the two, I realized that it's, it's a and thing. Yes. The problem is too many of us make it a or Yes. Or a versus thing. So instead of, and we say, no , I'm just gonna go with this one. Yeah . And most of the times that's, that's validation. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , we don't move on to valuation, don't see the importance of, of having both. When I started , um, thinking about , uh, both when I was writing the book, and even now when we were, when we were getting ready for this particular episode mm-hmm. <affirmative> , uh, it , it took me back to , um, the days of the arcade. Now I don't, I don't , you know, I'm , I'm dating myself here cause I don't even know , do they even have arcades anymore?

Anitra: 10:54

You gotta seek 'em out,

Andre: 10:55

You gotta , right. I think Mo so what I'm about to describe, I think mainly you get like at the city fair. Yep . You might get 'em at an amusement park, but there Santa Monica

Anitra: 11:04

Beer .

Andre: 11:04

Right. Exactly. But there used to be a day you could go to your , the mall. Right. And there would be this place called the Arcade Yes . That had nothing but video games. Yep . That's it. Just, just straight up video games. And, and there'd be , uh, these games, which you could get these prizes or you'd get these tickets mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Right. And so that was skeeball . That might be a basketball game. It might be a , um, a Mash Mole Mash Him game. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . I love that . But all these, these different games gave you tickets. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> and , and I don't know if you remember Nikki , but on those tickets, those tickets then would say Redeem at the Counter. Yep . Right ? Yep . Yep . Okay. And, and, and oftentimes back in the day, those tickets not only said Redeem at the counter, but they had the name of the arcade on this , on the ticket as well. So I might get a whole bunch of tickets at Aladdin. That's what it was called Back in day. Aladdin Arcade <laugh> . Those tickets were only good for redemption at Aladdin. Right . I couldn't take them to a different arcade and, and redeem those tickets there. And, and so, you know, when I'd get those tickets, I wanted to get as many as I can. Now, an adult might be walking by someone who just came from a different arcade center, might be walking by, a young kid, might be walking by, and all they saw was a ticket mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But those tickets in my hand, knowing where I was going to take them, had a redeeming value. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, right ? Yep . That's good. Right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So, so, so even then I'd be going by other games and if I see half a ticket spewing out that somebody forgot I'm yanking that bad boy too, you'd probably pull another one behind it . I saw I'm right. I saw value in this little thin cardboard that said Aladdin on one side, redeem at the counter on the other side, knowing full well that if I took those tickets outside of that arcade, they had no value. Value. That's good. They absolutely had no value. Right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so then I'd have all these tickets and I'd collect them, and then I'd take them to, I remember taking them to the, the whoever the , the employee that was behind the counter mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And the employee then would count the tickets and say, oh, these tickets are worth this amount. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Now I couldn't take those tickets to anybody. I had to take 'em to the person behind the counter. Right. And the person behind the counter found value in them and said, this is, this is what it's worth. Yeah . And then would kind of point behind them and say, which one of these gifts would you like based on the value of the tickets? And so I could redeem the tickets for the gift. I could redeem the tickets for something that was gonna bring me joy, redeem the tickets for something that was going to be bring me happiness or whatever it might be. In a nutshell that is validation. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> and valuation. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> . That's good in a nutshell. That's so good. See, the person behind the counter is validation. The person behind the counter is saying all the work you just put in mm-hmm. <affirmative> , this is what it's worth. Yeah . All the blood, you know, I came in drenched with sweat <laugh> 3, 4, 5 hours in that arcade <laugh> . Right . And , and watch this, and this is the crazy thing is that in my mind, I thought I was, I yes . And I thought I was bringing a million dollars. You're clocking into work . But here's the crazy thing. There was a cost associated with the work I had to put in to find the value of these tickets. Right. Right. I didn't care about the cost. Right . I may have ended up walking away with some toy that was worth a dollar 50, but I would've spent $15 easily , you know, I didn't care about the cost, I cared about the gift, I didn't care about the cost, I cared about the prize at the end. That was what was redeeming. So the person behind the counter is validating that for me, the person behind the counter is saying, Hey, they were cheerleading me on. They knew I spent $15. They finna gimme a $5 gift. Right . But they didn't, they didn't say to me one time, you know, you losing money. No . They saying ,

Anitra: 15:06

Great job at all . Job

Andre: 15:07

You awesome. See next . Oh man, you sure you don't wanna go back and get more tickets? You can get this. Listen, I mean, I mean that , I mean they made valid the scam. Yeah . The Ponzi scheme. Right. <laugh> the pyramid Marketing. That is the arcade. They made that joint valid . I love it. But when I walked away with the gift, it didn't matter how much the cost was. Mm . Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, the gift had more value Yeah . Than the cost. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> . So the gift was the valuation. Yeah. Yeah. The person behind the counters The validation. Yeah . The gift was the valuation. That's good. See, the fact of the matter is it's reasonable for everyone to want, you know, their ideas, their choices, their achievements, their opinions validated. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But you gotta make sure they're being validated by the right person.

Anitra: 16:03

Right person.

Andre: 16:04

And when they're validated by the right person, what you ought to get back in terms of how you are better, how you move better, how you move higher. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , that's the gift. And that's the, the , and that's got to hold value to you. That's why it's so, it's so, man, it is so poignant. It is so paramount. It is so tantamount that you got , uh, you got some folk in your corner, in your circle in your life who can validate all you've been through mm-hmm. <affirmative> . So you can see the value of why you had to get through it and move on to better. Uh, cuz the fact of the matter is not everyone can give you true valuation. Nope . Uh , to your validation. No . I want to make sure y'all heard that not everyone can give you true value for the hell you went through . True . True . Because you just want to be better . Mm-hmm . <affirmative> mm-hmm . <affirmative> because you just want to go higher, you just wanna go further in life. Um , not everybody can do that. So , so I just wanted to open up with that so that we kind of give a foundation as to what we mean when we say validation and valuation and, and how we can go astray sometimes get it wrong sometimes in terms of how we , um, you know, how , how we seek validation or how we forget to find valuation mm-hmm. <affirmative> . Um , so, so I wanna start there. I wanna let you give your, your , your foundation or your, your , uh, introductory thoughts here mm-hmm . <affirmative> . And then I want to jump right back in and just kind of push it a little bit further.

Anitra: 17:27

Absolutely. Well, I'll definitely go ahead and push it towards the sibling connection, which is what we always focus on for the sound off segment. Yeah. Um , and you know, one of the things that came to my mind is, you know, siblings, I mean sibling, the sibling experience can teach you so much. Uh , when it comes to value and worth, that is one of the, you know, clear cut areas. Yes. Yes. And I wanna speak, speak

Andre: 17:51

To sister siblings are gifted, they're just

Anitra: 17:52

Gifted in that space. Right. And I wanna speak to it from both sides of the coin because , you know, sometimes when it comes to defining your worth, and this is a shout out to all the younger sisters or older sisters who had a brother out there and you know, you remember those days where you were getting dressed up and cute in the mirror and you were Yeah . Putting on your cute outfit and you were maybe gonna go to the mall or go hang out or go on a date or something. And it already takes a lot of confidence and I already know going work an effort to get it together. And as soon as you come outta that bathroom or that room, you feeling fluffy , you feeling fresh and so clean and leave it to the insensitivity of your brother to have a color pope purple moment where he's like, you show that's ugly . Oh , ugly . Or you show

Andre: 18:43

He's ugly. Even

Anitra: 18:44

Worse. Oh, that's what you wearing,

Andre: 18:46

Right.

Anitra: 18:47

And you're like, what's wrong with it? And then he just kind of everything and walks away, you know, leaves you there just laughs at you. Right. And this is what I mean about really learning and your value and your worth . So then you gotta go back and have, you know, yours, your positive self-talk. You gotta reaffirm you as smart. You was kind <laugh> . Cause you gotta push back against them siblings. Right. That just come at you. I only had a brother, so I can only speak from an older brother standpoint as the younger sister, but maybe you had a sister that did that to you that you're just feeling good. So yes, your siblings will absolutely challenge you <laugh> and encourage you to reach deep down inside to know you're worthy.

Andre: 19:24

You were talking, you were, you didn't understand the fashionista expert in which I, what you were dealing with. Remember, I I bought clothes from Jeans West, I bought clothes , jeans , west bought clothes that would fly. I mean, when I went to school, people were like, where'd you get that? Not at all . I wore Jabo jeans before they were in style. Exactly.

Anitra: 19:47

Exactly. Ok ,

Andre: 19:48

<laugh> . I I was a trend setter . You

Anitra: 19:51

Wear overall before they

Andre: 19:52

Were cool <laugh> . Oh, listen. And I was doing the overalls with just one strap before crisscross came out. <laugh> . Ok , listen, listen , don't play with me. Don't play with me.

Anitra: 20:04

You call that advice . That was an advisory meeting. I

Andre: 20:06

That was the devil wears Jabot . <laugh> . That's what I was , that's what , yeah . I , I was trying to help you critique, but I build, I build by critiquing <laugh> . So that's what

Anitra: 20:22

I do. It , it made me tough. So if anybody else outside says something, I was already ready to go. Like <laugh> , you start to figure out your authentic style, right. Like you start to, you gotta let that chip go. So, but yes, you guys have had that sibling connection where certainly our siblings can ooh , they can sometimes make us wonder why am I here? And then you have to fight through it and you should fight through it and know you are valuable. But of course the other side of that is certainly when you have a sibling that actually, you know, re absolutely reaffirms , uh, your value Absolutely . And your worth. Um, be it that it's a hard time or be it that they're sometimes telling you stuff that's hard to hear. Um, right . So this is another situation for, for me , uh, I remember this is probably my junior year in high school and I was, you know, had a boyfriend at the time, and I guess, bro, bro , you overheard me talking to him or something and after he left, he , you was like, listen here, if you gonna keep a man, you gonna have to man down a little bit and get that mouth together. Right . <laugh>. And I was like, what ? What , what ? Talking about Yeah . That mouth, that's , I ,

Andre: 21:21

I know you ,

Anitra: 21:22

Me , you're amazing.

Andre: 21:23

You're

Anitra: 21:23

Sweet. You are a wonderful woman, <laugh> , but I'm your brother and I'm just telling you, you gonna have to work on that mouth. You gonna keep a man gonna have to work on that mouth <laugh> . And I was just like, right .

Andre: 21:33

Yeah . That's

Anitra: 21:33

Just , yeah . And then a few more lumps and bumps in terms of just, you know, losing some relationships. And I was like, yeah , I guess bro , bro's onto something. I'm gonna have to get a little sweeter on the scene .

Andre: 21:45

So sometimes What's that ? You know , get more flies with sugar, with

Anitra: 21:49

Honey. With honey then with some vinegar <laugh> . Right. Like , get it together. So, so yeah. Sometimes our siblings absolutely, you know, have to reaffirm our value. And that was what I loved about that is he wasn't saying, you know, you're not wifey material or you're not gonna be a good girlfriend, all that, but no , that's , that's an area we could tweak a little bit. And then the last thing I'll say, and I'll kick it back to you , uh, and this is a , again, another shout out to the, the baby sisters who, you know, your brothers maybe during them early high school years and college years was out in them streets. And so they wanted to protect you from their behavior. And I never forget, my brother said to me, no judgment <laugh> . He said, okay . He said, little sis, he's like, don't date anybody like your brother <laugh>. Yeah . Don't date anybody like me. Yeah . And here's the thing, I wasn't even in the space to really think about the larger implications of that statement meant, I was just like, oh, okay. So don't be like, don't be like those girls got it cuz something's wrong with them. You know , we all know there's a larger conversation there. Lemme just, lemme just not

Andre: 22:51

Be like that much

Anitra: 22:51

Larger conversation. Right . But I knew what you were trying to say is you are valuable, you are worthy. Don't ever allow absolutely any , any young man to treat you in a way that diminishes that. And so, absolutely. Uh , let me kick it back to you in terms of that sibling perspective or any other thoughts you have on it in the summer .

Andre: 23:07

No, no. So, so to me that, and that's what I think I value most of about this validation valuation conversation is the fact that growing up with a sibling, it's a different system Yeah. Of valuation and validation that you're going through than those who ain't got no siblings . Right. Because you're , if you ain't got a sibling, your only child, your system is society. Woo . And parents this vicious and that's a different validation valuation system. Yep . Then when you have a sibling Yes. That's your system. What I value most about growing up with, with Nikki growing up with the sibling is the fact that, you know, there's this awe that I'm in right now when I realized we went through the same value system mm-hmm. <affirmative> and yet still found validation in different ways. And, and , and , and here's what I mean by that. You know, you, you went through life one way. I went through life the other way, but we still came out with a valuation Right. That said, this is why we strive for greater, for more, for better whatever it may be. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, see that validation system, you know, for those who don't have siblings could be friends. Right. It's a circle of influence. Right. But the difference with , for that, that sibling connection is <laugh> , your friends, your circle of influence, they find value in things that maybe you didn't grow up with. Right. <laugh> . So you don't know how to value. Right. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like in my, in my adulthood, I've got people who've been in and outta my life and you know, they go to parties and they used to go to parties, stuff like that. And they would look at , they'd be like, Hey man, you going , you want this Hennessy, you want this cognac? Right. And I'm sitting there looking in the kitchen like, no, I want that Kool-aid. Right. <laugh> , I want that Kool-Aid tea .

Speaker 3: 24:51

Right. I

Andre: 24:53

Want that . I want, I want the Kool-Aid red, if you got it . Like top shelf, top shelf red if you got it. Because growing up we , that wasn't part of our, our makeup. That's good. We found value in Kool-Aid. Yes. Whereas other homes found value in high seafood fruit punch. Man, we wasn't like that.

Speaker 3: 25:14

That's pick , that's pick and high cotton <laugh> . Right. Come home . We , we ain't got that. What

Andre: 25:21

You talking about Kool-Aid? That's what that's what I know. So, so then we get into these environments and as a , because I had a sibling because I had you, Nikki , I can get into an environment and I'll find value in the smallest thing because that was the system that validated us. And when we looked at each other and said, Hey, we only got Kool-Aid, but hey, we gonna be all right. Right. That brought value. I remember one time I guess mom took you and I to another family's house for dinner. Oh yeah . And they had those, those napkins like those, those those cloth napkins. Like you get at a five star restaurant. Right, right. And they had a napkin ring on it. And I guess mom saw me looking bewildered at the table. I'm looking for the Scott napkin, the Scott napkin , or I'm looking for a rag. I might be looking for that Scott napkin or a rag. Oh

Speaker 3: 26:19

Right , right .

Andre: 26:21

And mama's looking at me bewildered and like, I'll tell you what's wrong. And I'm like, I need to wipe my hands and my mouth, whatever. I said. And she's like, there's your napkin. And she said, I looked at this cloth. What is that in this ring? Looked at it like, it was like, it's like it was a a a a a high society handkerchief. Right .

Speaker 3: 26:40

Or an

Andre: 26:40

Ascot in a ring. Like , and I wouldn't touch it. I was like, what is that? I know how to do it . That's that. Wait, can I, can I wipe my hands on this? Right . Are you kidding me? You dirty. It's right . I can wipe my woo . Do you know this is 500 thread cotton? I can wipe my hands on this. Like really I can do this. I was like , I'm gonna do it and I'm do said I right . The mom said, I had this look on my face like I was taking a risk of my life. Right . It's gonna happen afterwards. Okay . I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. You said I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Like announcing to the world. Listen, my mama said I could do this . I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna try <laugh> . So, but because cuz to again, that's, that's a different system. Yes. But in that moment, it's mom really validating <laugh> and saying , listen, I know we live rough. Right . I know we ain't had it had life the way others have . But listen, go on and try this. Get your taste. Get your taste of the other side, that fabric. Get your little taste of the two percenters , <laugh> , wipe your mouth with that thread count. See what that feel like. Baby <laugh> . I love it. So , but, but, but here's the thing. Here's the thing. God , listen, listen. I never, I , I purchased my first napkin set with the rings on it recently. Right . <laugh> recently. Right . <laugh> . I walked down the aisle and I said, I'm going do it. I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it , I'm gonna do it <laugh> . And I know people were looking at me like, what is he doing? And I'm at them, watch this . And I'm looking at them saying, what's it to you? <laugh> ? What's it to you? What's it to you? <laugh> don't worry about how I find value. Cause cause what I've been through Right . Validates why I'm saying I'm going do this, I'm gonna do this. Absolutely. Oh God . Is that, it's that system. And , and you know, we are laughing because the system we were brought up Yes . In as siblings we find , uh, humor. Yeah . We find lessons. Yeah . We find abundance. We find blessings in that story to other , other siblings or even other , um, only children. They may hear this and be like, I don't get it . I don't get it. You had a different system Yeah. That validated different things. Yeah . And taught you value of different things. And, and, and so that kind of brings me to , uh, this this kind of this this the other side. And this is why I say you , you, you gotta be not just careful as to who you allow validate mm-hmm . <affirmative> . But you gotta be careful as to where you get your value. Because different things are valuable to different people and you ought not play down somebody else's valuation system. That's good. That's good. Yeah. And you ought to always bring a positive validation cuz you just don't know where people come from. That part. I was as a , as I was thinking about this, it reminded me of that song that , uh, uh, Jay-Z and Kanye do. And I , I think I'm gonna get it wrong, but I think it's called No Church in the Wild. Yeah. No Church and the Hook. Yeah. And the hook is , uh, something like , uh, what's a king to a God? Yeah. What's a God to a , uh, to a nonbeliever nonbeliever who doesn't believe in anything. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , I love that statement. I love it because my validation, what I, and my valuation might mean the world to me, but what is it to someone else? Right. What's it to someone else? Right. Right. And so if I'm too busy trying to say, Hey, I am a king <laugh> , but I'm talking to God mm-hmm . <affirmative> and God's like, but I'm a God. Right. That's right . I'm the only ,

Anitra: 30:15

Right . So,

Andre: 30:16

So, so it's like, why up here boasting my, my chest, trying to make someone else validate what, you know, whatever it is I find valuable. And, and , and , and then at the same time, why do I get stuck putting value in something that might keep me stuck rather than allowing me to continue to push through and find higher things or better things or further things more valid. And then finding value in something greater than where I am. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . So there's, there's this , it's not just the circle of influence. It's not just the sibling connection mm-hmm. <affirmative> , but it's also the stagnation. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you lose value in things when you remain stagnant.

Anitra: 30:57

That's good. That's good. Yeah.

Andre: 30:58

And we, we always gotta push through that. But yeah. When , whenever we accomplish something, man, it's, it's, it's , it's who , uh, the , the question becomes, you know, who are the first people you look to and tell? Do they add value to what you just accomplished? Mm mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I may say something to the folks in my circle mm-hmm . <affirmative> , but I'll probably look for value from mom and dad and from you Nikki . So I might say it to my circle and they might validate, but that's not where I get my validation from. I'm gonna look to the system that raised me. That's good. Because they knew my starting point . So Yeah. I <laugh> . Yeah. Yeah. Uh , that's, that's and it all adds up to , uh, worth. Yeah. You know, and , and , and where did you learn your worth from? Um, who understands your worth? Um, things like that. So I kick it back to you before we do , uh, if you want to add to that before we go to the sponsor, shout out .

Anitra: 31:51

No, that's good. I'm co-signing everything you said and I , I'll just say this one thing and then I'll do our sponsorship. Shout out that it's so funny that napkin story is so key for us. Um , I still do the, you know, the , the throwaway disposable napkins, but on the holidays I don't play around <laugh>. Right, right, right.

Andre: 32:08

You got the old place masks

Anitra: 32:09

Family . The family be like, well, why do we have to use those? You gonna use those napkins I bought that are coordinated high thread count. You gonna use what you gonna do. So it's

Andre: 32:19

Just funny . I'm gonna take my new napkin set and I'm gonna , I'm gonna , I'm gonna take 'em to the dry cleaners. Right? That's where they get clean . I'm take 'em dry, I'm gonna do this. And , and if they look at it and be like, we don't know how to charge, I better forget out, out

Anitra: 32:33

Fold .

Andre: 32:34

You better beat out . I'm telling you , I want these bad boys dry cleaned, extra starch.

Anitra: 32:38

It's a whole system for us. But yes. But speaking of systems that raised us, and systems that add value, we hope that our sponsor, S two Media Works , which is a media production company my brother and I co-founded, is adding value to you. Uh, the goal of that company is to create content to educate, empower, inspire, and encourage positive influence. And we do that through original narratives. Our mission S two Media Works is to provide transformational education resources for healthy and productive living. And creative storytelling is at the root of that. So we are dedicated to creating life-changing and life-giving content and all that we do. And this podcast, the Savage Siblings podcast is a product of our company. So as always, we're so glad you are here with us for another episode. All right , bro, bro. Yeah . Yeah. You ready to get savage?

Andre: 33:33

Absolutely. Let's do it. Let's do it. Alright . So, so again, the , the title of our particular episode here is What's It To You? And so what we want to do is really just kind of walk away from this episode, understanding that don't just stop at validation. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> also move on to valuation. And , and , and so I think it probably should start with, you know , how are we defining these things separately? Yeah . How are we defining validation and, and valuation mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so starting with valuation, cuz I think that one's a little bit harder to understand Sure. Than validation. Agree . Yeah . So starting with valuation. Valuation, really when I think about it , uh, ways that I've kind of studied it, ways I've grown to understand it , valuation really kind of refers to this process, right? Where you're , you've been through some stuff and now you're looking to people close to you, a sibling friend, whatever, and saying, did I come out all right ? Mm-hmm . That, that was that. Okay. And, and , and the reason why I'm asking that question is because I need to assign a value to the experience mm-hmm. <affirmative> based on how I'm now being represented in the environment I'm in. Mm-hmm . So lemme say that a little bit different. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , I can go through something, I could look at people and say, Hey, am I okay? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , they could say You're okay. But then when I look at how I'm represented in the environment, I can say, y'all lying to me . I ain't, okay. I'm out here busted. I'm out here hurting. Y'all just placated me. Well you just assigned evaluation in that moment mm-hmm . <affirmative> to the experience. But then I could go through something and I could say, woo , I barely made it through. And I could be like, am I okay? And everybody be like, no man, you did great. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> . And then I look at where I am being represented in life and that stage and that season and realize, oh, I'm at the top with whatever it is. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , then I say to myself, okay, what I just did, what I just thought, what I just felt, the idea I just had mm-hmm. <affirmative> the actions I just took. They have high value. Yeah. Yeah. And, and , and , and , and the reason why I say it's about positioning where you are in life. It's not just saying, did you win? It's, did you win? And you understood and you walked away with wisdom so you could win like that again, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> . So that's why it's all about not just what happened, but where are you positioned when you're done, because that's how you're going to assign value to the actions it took. You're not assigning value to the gold medal, you're signing value to how you ran the race. Mm . That's good. Yeah. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , that's valuation. I, I , um, grew up hunting. Uh, dad taught me how to hunt at such a young age. I believe we were in Alabama the first time and we were pheasant hunting. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I remember he put that 12, 12 gauge shotgun to my shoulder. He saw the pheasant's nest, he knew a pheasant was in there. And he helped me aim. And then he kind of stood back, but he put a hand on my back and he said, now pull the trigger and hit the nest. I pulled the trigger, I hit the nest, and I, and I went back into dad's hand. Mm . Cause I was small and the kickback from that rifle was hard. Yep . Yep . And we got the pheasant. And when we got home, we brought the pheasant, I believe it was to Uncle Roy. And , uh, uncle Roy said, you know, you you got that Andre. I was like, yeah, I , I , I shot it. Dad helped me, but I shot it <laugh> . And , um, I remember then I, I I , I , dad told me, I went to go sit down and dad came back a little bit later cuz Uncle Roy was pulling out the feathers. He said, you don't wanna watch him clean the, the , the pheasant? And I said, yeah, I'm gonna watch. Dad saw me wincing. And dad was like, you good? Well , he didn't say you good. He's like, you. Okay? And I showed him my shoulder, which had a bruise on it mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And he said, I want you to go look at the bird. And so I got up and I went to look at the bird. And in that moment, the pain went away and it went away because I was hungry. Now I need to make sure everybody understands this , what I just said, the value of hunting for prey is different when you're hungry. Mm-hmm . Versus when you're not. Got you . If I wasn't hungry, I'd have focused more on the pain and I'd signed value to the pain. Mm-hmm . And said, is hunting really worth it? But because I was hungry, I assigned value to the meal we were about to eat, and the pain went away. Valuation will have its greatest efficacy when it's attached, when you are hungry. Mm-hmm . When you're passionate, that's good. When you are striving, when you's determined it's, you're gonna stru to find valuation. When you're pla when you're just placating a moment when you're just doing a cursory or surface level thing, that is the reason why some people don't move on to valuation. Because the validation was so surface level, it meant nothing. It came from a voice that doesn't matter. It came from a situation where you really didn't need to be validated. You just wanted to be talked to. You wanted to be coddled. Valuation comes when you're hungry. Our dreams in life have a different value. When we watch this uncomfortable in mediocrity and striving to get, to make that dream a reality, you add value to what you do. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> valuation is an important step. It ha it's a very important step in the process of getting to whoever it is or whatever , whatever it is. Uh, that's your purpose to do. In fact, one of the roles of valuation is absolutely to produce kind of like this , um, subjective mm-hmm . Connection of currency, right? Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , I'm willing to go through what it's going to take because when I get to where my purpose has designed me, my, my my dreams are taking me when I get to there and I start to compare where I am now with where I'm gonna go, the desirability for the valuation, the desirability to get there that's good is greater. And I gotta get to one li one level of life rather than the one I'm in. So in other words, valuation occurs before you choose the action you're gonna take. Mm . Wow . Because it's based on how you got through. Yeah . So, so where, and we'll talk about validating. Validating looks back, valuation looks forward. Wow . But we gotta have both. I

Anitra: 40:28

Love it. Ooh , that's good. That's good.

Andre: 40:31

I'm , I'm gonna stop there. Let you jump in . Yeah.

Anitra: 40:32

This is , this is good. And you laid beautiful foundation. I think when I was kind of just unpacking how we defined valuation or value , um, I , for me, I, there was a little sting because I kept thinking, I can see why sometimes we don't, while we do just jump right to validation. Uh, because when you start to analyze value, I think almost 98, 90 9% of the time when I define value for my life, or I look at other people's life, it's almost always the truth of the value is gonna line up with things like Amen. Yeah . Where I put my time, where I put my money mm-hmm . <affirmative> where I put my resources Yeah . Where I put my focus, where I put my energy, where I put my effort. And so value almost is synonymous with this notion of proof. Right. Proof of what's important to me. Proof of what is , uh, critical to, to what I say that I value. And the reason why this can get sticky for us is because it really will shine a light on inconsistencies. It

Andre: 41:33

Absolutely will.

Anitra: 41:34

On a two-way street. Either it's who I say and or what I say I value does not line up with where I put my time, my money. Right. My resources, my focus, my energy, my effort. Right. Right. Right. I say I value health and fitness, but I put a lot of time to eat Right . Foods . Right . That are good for me. <laugh> , I say I value proper rest. Right. And I stay up to two o'clock watching HBO max. Right. Right . You have to get up at six. Right. And so this whole process, when you start really unpacking, that really challenges us. And I think it's a good way. I don't think it's meant to be condemning. I think when you start thinking about, well, what is important to Ara and what does valuation mean for me, it will make you start to think about how you use your treasure, your time, your focus, your energy, your effort.

Andre: 42:26

Absolutely. How you will use it , how

Anitra: 42:28

Base, how I love it, how you use it , future base . But a lot of times, I think the reason why we don't often even seek value the way you're saying it has to be the first step is because as, as you've already kind of hinted at, it's a journey, it's a process kind of, of discovering it . Absolutely. But yes, we live in such a materialistic society that it's easy to define value , and I should say incorrectly define value in extrinsic or Right . Uh , external ways. Right. So it's like, I want this car, so now that's become a value. I want this house, I want this level of wealth, I want this particular status. And so then before you know it, what we're trying to define is value really is kind of a accumulation of things. Right? Right . It's, it's stuff, it's attainments or accomplishments or , or milestones. Right. And so the, the issue is when even thinking we've heard this saying before, this kind of , um, you know, reference that we're not human doings. We're human beings. Right,

Andre: 43:27

Right. Right. I've heard that.

Anitra: 43:29

I love it. Yeah. One of the challenges in , when you're really thinking about valuation is so often we're defining it based on doing, we're not defining, as you've already described, in terms of experiences, in terms of what lessons are you learning? I love it . And so now the evaluation is much more on what can I do to get that car? What can I do Yeah . To get that wealth? What can I do ?

Andre: 43:52

I I love that you're saying that. Oh my God, I love that. Because here's the thing mm-hmm . <affirmative> , um, the , the issue to tag on with you. Yeah . Yeah. The reason why many of us don't move on to valuation, just stay stuck at validation. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, because the action that it takes to move on to valuation is you making a decision. Yeah . Based on the information you've gotten from validation. Yep . And yes, that's why I say it's future based . That's why you alluded to the fact is what are you gonna do with what you know? Yeah . What are you gonna do with what you learn ? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , because you gotta make a decision. Another reason why people don't move on to valuation , because , uh, evaluation rather, is because they're indecisive people. Mm . And they stay stuck at estimating value instead of working, being valuable. You gotta do that again. Wait , you gotta do that one again. The reason why people don't move on to valuation is cuz they stay stuck in indecisions because they're stay , they, all they wanna do is keep estimating value instead of being valuable. Valuable. Oof . God, listen, stop trying to recount all that you've been through to, to see if it's more valuable today than it was yesterday. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , it's valuable when you use it . Make a decision, it's valuable when you take a risk on it , make a decision, you get stuck because you keep seeking for more convincing evidence on value. And now all of a sudden, the moment the idea, it's moved past you, somebody else is doing it. The blessing now belongs to someone else. Make a decision. Step out on the information that you see. Va self <laugh> listen, self evaluated abilities and our performance <laugh> that part. Yes . And one or more activities. That's how you move on to valuation. Yeah . Yeah. Let's , I mean , make a decision. You gotta , you gotta go. And I love , I love that , um, there was something , you guy , you were talking about something . What do you, you , you , you know, you , you kind of coined or pinned the question, how will you use mm-hmm . <affirmative> , what you know mm-hmm. <affirmative> , I , um, I'm gonna , I'm gonna give a quick shout out to, to , to Sharonda. Well , I call her Char , so y'all will hear that name. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , she's, she's everything. Right. Right . Now, there are times now where she's my nutritionist and my nurse <laugh> . I love it. She made me take, she made me take one of these biome tests. You know what a biome test is? Please unpack that for us. <laugh> . Okay. So a biome test is where you gotta send in a stool sample. Yes. And people look at what you've been eating. Oh God. So that they can tell you what's causing you inflammation. Yeah . What's helping your heart. So they come , the results come back and say, you need to, you need to stay away from these foods. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , you can enjoy these foods. These are your super foods . Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, as a brother that loved certain foods, when I saw my test results mm-hmm . There were some things they said, I need to stay away from that. I was like, Ooh , that change , Ooh , <laugh> . Ooh . Like, for real. And then there's some stuff that they said are my superfood. I was like, I don't even know what that is. Right. <laugh> . Like , where does that like Exactly . Then season , where do I go? Is that English? Is that English? Did you, did I pick up my results from Ikea? Right . Because I don't understand this stuff right here. But, but, but, but, but you know, the , the , the truth of the matter is, is too many of us won't move on to valuation because watch this. The change, the stuff, the information that, that's that, that we need to change. We got it from our <inaudible> <laugh>. We got , we got it from our stool sample. Yeah . Y'all didn't hear what I just said. Oh , that's good . You hear what I just said? Yes . See folk that stay stuck in validation are still asking people to keep evaluating their stool sample. Ooh . But those of us that wanna move on to evaluation and say, wait a second , I got the information from the stool. You gonna keep eating that? You gonna keep ingesting that? Or are you gonna watch this move on to your super foods ? But I ain't never heard of that before. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> valuation says it's valuable. Take a chance. Yeah . But I don't even know where you get that valuation. Says it's valuable. Find it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and take a chance. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , that's how we identify good and bad sources of valuation. That's good. Look at who's giving you the information. Look at, look at who's, you know, what it is that you're, that you're, that you're trying to find value in. I So, so, you know, when we look at the resources of valuation , we look at the sources. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> of valuation. Uh, when I think of the good, the good, right ? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> . Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. I got , I gotta , I gotta say this . I, I was not unlike my sister. I was not a good student. <laugh> . I was, I was facts. Listen, I'm , I'm gonna say something right now that nobody I thought, I , listen, I don't listen. <laugh> , when I walked across the stage for a graduation from Wichita Southeast, shout out to both Wichita and the Buffalo. When I walked across the stage, they told us in the rehearsal that when you walk across the stage, we gonna get you gonna shake the principal's hand and you gonna get an envelope. Right ? And in that envelope, in the window of that envelope, when you look at it, it's either gonna be your high school diploma or it's gonna be a sentence that says, see you in summer school, <laugh>. All right . Now lemme tell you something. I shook, I shook the principal's head, I grabbed the envelope. Now I'm on stage. And I promise you as the Lord, as my, my Lord and savior Jesus Christ as my witness on the cross. I started praying. Right ? Lord, I don't know what this going to do. I don't know what's gonna say. And then that dog gone , cousin Denise, I , I can't wait for her to hear this, but dog gone . Denise gonna walk away from the family, get to the closest area she can, talking about, let me take a picture of your diploma while you on stage. <laugh> . Now I don't know what it's gonna say. I dunno what it's gonna say. And I'm like , if she don't go sit at her nosy behind down somewhere , <laugh> , I ain't even got on stage yet. And , and look, can I , can it make matters worse? The class that I know I should have failed, which was English. The teacher was the first teacher sitting in the chair as you walk off stage . So I'm trying to get an indicator from him as to whether or not I'm going , <laugh> gonna summer school. So I still haven't turned over the envelope. I'm ignoring Denise . Right ? <laugh> . I'm looking at the teacher and I'm saying , he's ignoring you. My Lord is savior Jesus Christ on the cross. Help me out. <laugh> , listen , I promise you, Lord, if you just let see what I need to see , I'll be better . I'll never , ever , ever thank God, thank my Lord and savior Jesus Christ on the cross for mercy that it was a high school diploma. I looked at it, the biggest smile came on my face. That's like , I let Denise take the picture. Right . <laugh> , I walked down the , I walked down the stairs, I said to the I English teacher, thank you. And like I meant it . You were serious. He died for my sins. Thank you. I thank you. And I said it. I enunciated cuz he is an English teacher. You're right. I was grammatically correct cuz he was an English teacher. I had the great sentence structure cuz he was an English teacher. Oh , how I thank you. So I think if , if you know , but watch this, listen. Validation would've said, Hey don't go to college. School ain't your thing. You barely made it outta high school. Mind my teach, teach, teach. But valuation said Nah , I wasn't good at the subjects at high school, but college lets me choose what I am good at. And move on to that. What is your source for valuation? The good source is the one where you get to operate in the way you are gifted and the way you have been favored. Yeah . The way you have been anointed to operate in the fact of the matter is, I graduated from high school , uh, and I barely made it, but when I graduated , let me say it differently. When I graduated from seminary, cuz I got to operate and choose Yeah. In the areas where I found valuable. When I graduated from seminary, I graduated , uh, what's the highest one? Magnum laude or summa cu laude . It's , uh, whatever it summa cu It's summa. I graduated summa laude valuation. Yeah , that's right . When I graduated from high school, I graduated. Oh, thank you la Right? <laugh> validation. <laugh> , uh, what is your good, so the good source, the good source of your valuation is the one where you identify the way I'm created, the way I'm made, that's where I'm going to come out and I'm gonna be great. The bad source is when you're looking back and you're looking at the list of things that do not help you determine your self worth . The bad source is the one that says, I'm gonna choose this. Why? Because everybody said I wasn't gonna mount to anything anyway. I'm gonna do this. Why? Because everybody's telling me I can't do the other one. Right . I'm, I'm gonna think this. Why? Because everybody else thinks this way about me. Yeah . I'm , I'm , I'm , I can't do it. Why? Because my bank account's reminding me. That has very little, my job titles reminding me that I ain't got my , I'm not that attractive. Social media following, don't have nothing to do with me. These are the bad sources of valuation. Yeah . These are just opinions. Yeah. These are just momentary mo these are just momentary , uh, uh, hurdles Yeah . That you got across . Yeah . And see as adults what we do, we can look back at times where others may have shown you that you had no value and you bought into that and sign that . Why am

Anitra: 53:40

I ,

Andre: 53:41

And, and that's the bad source of valuation. Cuz cuz we get caught up in the wrong things. You see bad sources of valuation also have you getting caught up in chasing money. Right. Chasing status. Right . Chasing popularity. Right . And especially when those things are highly valued by those of you, those who are connected around you. Yeah . Those in society, you know, people in general who they've got those things, you know, bad sources of valuation will have you looking at what other people say is valuable and saying, I must need that in my life. That must determine my worth. But that is not a good source of valuation. So I'm, I'm , I'm gonna pause there for a second. Let you jump in. That's ,

Anitra: 54:23

That's just so good. And I , I think the only the thing I wanna add is when you are going through this process of identifying good and bad sources of valuation , understand that, you know, use them as teachable moments because it's not very, you know, it's not as cut and dry. It's a journey to, you know, as you're discovering your own value and, and it and things are changing as you change. Um, the first time that I did like a community audition, because when I was younger I focused a lot on acting. And so, you know, this is back in Wichita, Kansas, and I , you know, I was taking a drama class, I think I was probably third or fourth grade prior to that. A lot of my performances were church based where you don't audition, you know, they just picked the baby that talked the loudest and you gonna be the lead. You know? And so I was moving into,

Andre: 55:08

And that would be you .

Anitra: 55:09

That would be me. Cuz I was always the loudest and talking the most <laugh> . So as I moved into thinking about, you know, going in performance outside of like that church space, then I go to some community theater classes and like my first kind of formal audition in that space, again, raw talent. I , you know, I didn't have any training mm-hmm. <affirmative> go into this space mm-hmm . <affirmative> and I do this au you know, whatever audition that I did, read the lines, I kind of did my thing and I was cast in a supporting role and it was great. This is community theater. So for those who know that yes, you make your own costumes, like you bring everything in, you paint the sets, you remember your life , right ? It's all you , everybody's doing everything. And so, you know, we get, and the show opens and I'm performing and , um, as a supporting role, you know, I'm not on the stage the whole time, but, you know, hitting a couple scenes and apparently just killed it to where the audience is taken by my performance. And everybody is like , wow, Anitra , she did a great job. And after the show was over, everyone just came up and you knows. And I was like, wow, this is pretty cool. So the director who's also the lady that, you know, teaches the class and she's directing the show and guides us, she pulls me to the size and she said, Anitra, she said, if I had known that you were that talented, I never would've under cast you. Woo . And this is the connection to what we're saying about identifying good and bad sources. Now yes, it is . For some of us in performance spaces, we're looking at her as a director. Well, 80% of your job is castes. So why you didn't know <laugh> , right ? Right . How you didn't see me , why you didn't see how you didn't see me that giftedness. But what she taught me, and this is why I want you to again, continue to use this process of identifying good and bad sources as a teachable moment, was every time you show up to an audition, if you don't bring your A game , then you're likely to be under cast . Then you're likely for them to miss something different. And so it , it changed the way I approach, you know , how I show up to interviews, how I show up to set, that's good , that's good how I show up up to, to, you know, auditions, whatever the case may be. And so that's good . Everything bro , bro said in terms of, you know, identifying these good and bad sources. Just know there's a learning curve to it, right? There's a absolutely, you're going to have to, you're gonna hit a couple bad ones and be like, oh , that didn't work right . They didn't treat me right. They didn't do right by me. Right. And I'm gonna go ahead and shout out churches here, and I , and I mean this in the spirit of transparency and growth and love, but sometimes the church space can be a place where God will use it to teach us , uh, some of us that come into that with this mindset of, oh, I'm gonna be of service and just use me. And, and God says, well, you know, I didn't make you to use you. I made you to partner with you. And so some of y'all that are going into churches saying, God just used me. And then a month later, two months later, a year later, you know, your , your lips are chapped . You little frustrated, right ? Right . Your value that you incorrectly assigned to God was use me. But then you allowed people to do that. Air quotes, my goodness with the label of God, use me . God partners, my goodness. He doesn't need to use anything. He doesn't use he partners. And so when we're talking about identifying good and bad sources, so one thing I'll add to what my brother already laid out is fair partnership. Yes . Is it a good or bad source? Is there fair partnership? Yes. That's , are you bringing more to the table? And so for some of us who are self-serving, we gonna struggle to answer that question . That's a question you should, you should ask in interviews . You should ask when you're hiring someone, you should ask in a relationship, romantic relationship, business partnership, what is the fair partnership? What are we all bringing to the table? And if I'm self-serving, I'm gonna struggle.

Andre: 58:41

What's good? Savage Siblings, I hope you're enjoying this episode entitled, what's It to You? Listen, as you can tell, my sister and I had a blast with this episode, and as you can see, we just kept talking. So what we're gonna do is make this episode a two-part experience. So here's what I need you to do. Be sure to catch part two of what's it to you. At our next drop date, we're gonna continue this conversation of understanding, valuation and validation. And then we're gonna dig deep into some strategies to identify good and bad sources of both . You don't wanna miss the transformational perspective , the quick shot , which is always hilarious, and of course the final blow. So as always, we wanna thank you so much for joining us. For part one, please help us build the Savage Siblings community. We need you to like, share, comment, leave a review, subscribe and send this to your favorite Savage Sibling set. Share your thoughts on how you feel valued in life and where you seek validation in life , whatever it might be. We want to hear from you. A huge shout out to our amazing team of people who make all of this possible. Dwayne McClendon and Kyle Davis, our sound editor, huge shout out to Ronnie Maxwell of Maxwell Music, our music producer. And a shout out to our boy Keith Cross of K Cross photography for all of the amazing photos, all the amazing media photos and picks that you see. And of course, we always wanna shout out our parents for their d n A and all of the funny life lessons they allowed us to have so that we can share them with you. And of course, how could we ever forget you, our listeners? So glad you're here. We can't wait to see you next time. Hear from you all the time. And remember, don't go through life alone.