What's It To You!?! Part Two

This episode discusses understanding the differences between valuation and validation in our lives. How and what we value in our lives and what we consider valid in our lives.  Andre and Anitra share examples of how we use this knowledge to make decisions and the importance of your sibling relationship in defining valuation and validation. 

Have you ever wondered what determines your value system?  Or even the relationships that you consider valuable and how we justify and validate those relationships.  The episode explores the impact that value and validation have on each other and how we use that scale to invest in or disconnect in the relationships in our lives.  

Let’s take a deep dive into defining value and validity and the influence of our family experiences based on the choices that come from those definitions. This episode is for you if you question your worth, if others seem to lack value in who you are in their lives, and/or if you often do not feel accepted in your current relationships.  The Savage Siblings share ways to avoid indecisiveness, understand your worth and choose to move forward beyond validation to purpose. 

Memorable Quotes:

• Validation shows itself in your response, not the review. ~ Andre
• Validity doesn’t always come with “great job”, but constructive criticism can lead to validation. ~ Andre
• It's innate to want to be seen, heard, and recognized.  We will seek it out. ~ Anitra
• The world is going to try to define you, don’t let that prevent you from moving forward. ~ Anitra
• The world is going to challenge you, but don’t let it stop you.  ~ Andre
• Find value in the character assassination as well as the character affirmation. ~ Andre
• If you aint’ got no hater, you don’t know your value. ~ Andre
• Learn from the imperfections and use them as an opportunity to grow. ~ Anitra
• Value me, my experiences already validated me. ~ Andre
• Value is an individual journey of creation and circumstances for improvement. ~ Anitra

Keywords: 

#MentalHealth, #therapy,  #psychotherapy, #relationships, #psychology, #healing, #counseling, #ministry, #theology, #transformation, #change, #counselor, #therapist, #wholeness, #healthy, #health, #lifestyle, #mental, #emotions, #emotional, #spiritual, #minister, #christianliving, #christian, #wellness, #lifecoach, #forgiveness, #SavageSibling, #Savage, #Sibling,  #Brother, #Sister, #Family, #Parent, #S2Mediaworks, #SavageSiblingsPodcast, #Keyboardconnections, #Techfriends, #Validation, #Valuation, #Hater, #YourWorth,  #Decisiveness,

Call to Action: 

• Post comments! Leave us a review!
• Share the ways your sibling challenged or encouraged your worth and value growing up! Or perhaps you’ve had enough relationship experiences to understand valuation and validation and put those in proper context.
• Any topics you want us to discuss? Let us know! 

Sound Editors: Kyle Davis and Dwayne McClendon
Music: Maxwell Music
Photography: K.Cross Photography

CHAPTERS
00:00:00 - Introduction
00:01:42 - Savage Segment: Fair Partnership
00:08:18 - 
00:32:40 -
00:33:26 -
00:58:41 - Closing: Thanks for joining us!

Brutally Honest. Relentlessly Transparent. Unapologetically Authentic.

Transcript

Andre: 0:10

Hey, hey, what's good, Savage siblings? I finally get to do the show opening. That's right. Me, not her. So let's go, let's get it. I am Andre Evans. Been known as a pastor, author, professor, a doctor, all of these things that God has allowed me to be. She is Ara n Lawson , the sister I never asked for. And that's pretty much all I got to say. There we are the Savage siblings, and this is the Savage Siblings Podcast, where we are brutally honest, relentlessly transparent, and unapologetically authentic. Oh, we're so glad you guys are rocking with us again. Listen, welcome back to part two of What Is It to you ? What's It To you ? In our last episode, we were able to leave off discussing why we seek valuation and validation, and are those sources of valuation and validation, good or bad? We started digging into fair partnerships and when to take the risks for yourself. If you wanna learn more about the testing ground for valuation and validation and how that encouraged you to take risk on yourself. Then part two is for you, you are tuned in. So let's go now before we jump in to part two. If you didn't listen to part one, I need you to put a pause on this thing right now, and I need you to go and listen to part one so that you're all caught up and not lost. We have a lot more to discuss in part two of what's it to you. So without further ado, are y'all ready to get savage? Good . So let's get Savage.

Anitra: 1:48

I'll , I'll throw this story out here. I was working with , uh, an actor and , um, he wanted to produce some web content and we, we started the process, but it didn't finish. And I'm gonna tell y'all why it didn't finish.

Andre: 2:00

I can see where it is going.

Anitra: 2:00

So we're talking about fair partnership right now. Obviously, we all know as filmmakers and creative folks, and you know, budgets can, you know, there's can be small. We have small beginnings that we're gonna grow to greatness. So I, I wasn't despising the small beginning of the small budget. We were working on building a team of people. Uh, and, and some of them were gonna be, you know, volunteers, some were gonna be students and things like that. So my bottom line in terms of the fair partnership was if you're going to ask students to come and intern, or if you want interns right, you must provide meals. Typically it's meals, copy and credit. That means they have to be fed. That means that typically they get access to a snippet for their real or, you know, for their resumes. And then credit their name is somewhere on the final product. That's standard practice. Right . You know, most people said, you know, are understanding with that. Well, this particular individual said, okay, well what I'm gonna do is I'm going to , uh, feed them some snacks. We'll make sure that there's plenty , plenty of , um, you know, stuff for them to drink, et cetera . And I'll just make sure we have a huge kind of snack table, huge kind of craft services set up. And I said, no, no, no. We talking about a 12 hour day. We are not gonna be eating snacks 12 hours mm-hmm . <affirmative> , we're gonna have at a minimum what we call a walking breakfast. Right ? Which means you can get a breakfast burrito while you're walking and we're gonna have a full hot lunch because they're working for free. Right. And so, long story short, that didn't work. That partnership ended because it wasn't fair. Yeah. Because yeah , he and his team were being paid, the core leadership were being paid, but the people that had to set up the tables, make sure the lunch was served, run the cables that had to do all the work of actually making the set move, he felt like in his exact words were , I don't wanna feed them that way. Right. And you guys, this is an audio podcast, so you can't see my face. Yeah . But there was a nice long pause where I just kind of looked at him and so that's the idea, right? It was like , what feed , but fair partnership . So if you're trying to identify good and bad sources, is it a fair partnership? Is someone just self-serving the flip side of those of us who are a little more selfless? Right. A and we don't fully understand our worth. If you don't get a handle of what my brother's saying about really understanding your value, and then you're looking at these sources, you are unprotected, period. Absolutely. You are . Because you don't, and I'm talking to myself too, this is something I continue to get stronger in, in terms of, you know, being a person who's generous, who's giving, but you have to understand if it's a fair partnership, I cannot show up and offer everything, all of it. Right. Right, right, right. And gifted people understand. They'll say, well, what are you willing to bring? But if you're saying you'll do it all, you can pay me less, or I can do it for free, or I'm happy to just give and give and give, you are now unprotected. And here's the thing, unprotected, when you agreed to do that in a partnership, you cannot later get upset. Right . When you didn't protect your sanity, when you didn't protect your health, when you didn't protect your time, your money mm-hmm . <affirmative> because you agreed to go ahead and not set boundaries. And what are boundaries for protection? Okay. Yeah. And so when it comes to fair partnership, it really, it , it , it benefits the whole dynamic. If both parties understand, we want this to be fair, we want to make sure it's not one-sided. And this goes to one-sided friendships, one-sided businesses, one-sided relationships, one-sided familial relationships. And that doesn't mean love is lost, but it, you can say, okay, you guys always call on me for Thanksgiving to cook everything, and I don't enjoy it. It's taking too much of my time and my resource, so I'm gonna do one every three years. Right? Right. That's how you create the fair partnership and the rest of that. Maybe we go into home , uh, what's the , what's the food place? You know, one of the Ryan's or something, maybe we go into one of the spots where you can, you know, get all, you can eat buffet, but if you don't put those boundaries in place, if you don't approach it from the standpoint of fair partnership, it's, you know, you , you're gonna find that you're gonna get abused. And so that bad source of valuation will , you know, will take him . Last thing I wanna say in terms of, you know, there's a difference between value and appreciation. And I often had to learn this the hard way too. Value, you put some money with it, you put a resource with it. Appreciation is a , is a thank you. Right? It's, this was really good. Right? I'm gonna tell one more story to really unpack this. So I have a , a wonderful friend who's a professional director, editor, filmmaker , and I asked him to come in to talk to one of my classes , um, uh, that I was teaching. And so he's talking about, you know, just being a guest artist. And so the question always comes up, should I work for free, right ? Mm-hmm . And a lot of times mm-hmm . When you're dealing with college students, high school students, the kind of blanket assumption is, oh, you're a student. You know, you gotta work for free. You're learning, right? You , we are , we're blessing you to come and learn for free right on our dime. Right? And that's kind of the idea. And I said , our dime, but on our dime , you get to come and be with us and learn for free. And so he told my students, he said, I never have nor will I ever work for free. And it was shocking. We were like, whoa, okay. And you know, everybody who's kind of more old school would be like, why did you invite him in to talk to the students? Right? They should be willing to work for free. How much is he getting paid to talk ? Right. Exactly. And said , but this is what he said. He said, he said, I wanna teach this lesson and this goes to value and appreciation. Now, he didn't say, I don't have times where I waive my fee or waive my service or do something in time . Ooh , that's good. That's good. He does that plenty of times. And yes, he was speaking for free of my class. Right. What he said was, I don't say I work for free. And there's two key things, and I'm gonna pass it back to you. Robo . This is the first thing he said, and it was like a microphone drop for us, is he said, if you go to apply at McDonald's, shout out to mcm , Mickey D's . He said, no experience, no training, no background. If they hire you, they pay you what for your time. Yes, they do. You don't have any experience, you don't have any training. You don't know how to do whatever they're about to ask you to do. Right. And meaning a person can come in and have that. Now some have experience, some have training. So you get to what negotiate what you are valued at. But the another person that comes in that has none of that blank, no resume, can still get hired and will still what be paid for their time, still be paid. And so his bottom line was, when you say, I'm willing to work for free, then people will appreciate you. But when you say the 20% that I know is more than the 0% that, you know, and that's a true statement. And for those of us who are artists or, you know, creators or technical, right? It's like if you edit, if you have 20% of skill, that's more than a person that's trying to hire you, why? Cuz they can't do it or they don't wanna do it. Right? Right. That has value. And so that was his point, was, you know, value says, I'm willing to put a resource, some money to it, some finance to it appreciation says, Hey, I really appreciate, I'm grateful that you're willing to do it mm-hmm. <affirmative> . Mm-hmm . And I think you have both experiences in it, but when it comes to those good and bad sources, the folks that value you and understand your worth will know the difference between value and appreciation.

Andre: 9:06

That's so good. That's good. That's good. Okay. So that's valuation. And boy, I'm, I'm gonna have to go back and listen to this whole episode again . Right .

Anitra: 9:15

Of us.

Andre: 9:15

I get all , all of that . I got , I gotta take notes.

Speaker 3: 9:18

Listen , <laugh> , listen. Ooh wee .

Andre: 9:22

I gotta take notes. So, so that's valuation. And I think we're saying that most people struggle to move on to valuation. They struggle not just to understand their worth, but they also struggle then to make sure that their worth is , uh, is is, I don't wanna say paid, but their worth is being received, right? Yeah. So, so , uh, that's the struggle. Most people stay stuck in validation. Yeah. All right . So now let's look at that side real quick. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . So we're, we're , we're looking at both defining validation. Why is that the only thing we seek directly or indirectly? And how do we identify good and bad sources? Mm-hmm . <affirmative> of , of validation, you know, you know, as a core just kind of who we are as Yes . Psychological beings. Yes. All of us have this need Yep . To possess , uh, it's a , it , it , uh, to possess some type of relatedness to somebody mm-hmm . <affirmative> to something mm-hmm . <affirmative> to a group of people, that's just a fundamental need. Yeah. Validation says, I want to know that I am relatable. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , I want to know that I have this relatedness that allows me to know that everything that I'm doing, everything that I'm going through, everything that I'm experiencing was worth it. Was, was, was that, that I came out okay. That I'm doing okay. There's this need to have this kind of close, mutually supportive, mutually caring connection with one or group or others. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> . Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , as a matter of fact, I had to look this up. Uh, there's a study and the kind , the results of that study kind of show that there are are more people that have , uh, been, I don't know, teased, rejected, looked down upon by their peers, right ? Mm-hmm . <affirmative> mm-hmm. <affirmative> when they did something poorly that then they were able to look at just what they did and who they are in terms of self-esteem and say, okay, I can do better. Right? Yeah . So, so, so what validation really ought to move you to do is to want more That's and to be better. That's great , right ? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So, so, so I'm not saying that when someone teases you, because we are talking about siblings, right ? <laugh> , and much of the validation I got from Nikki , it wasn't like an attaboy, it wasn't a pat on the back. Oh no . It wasn't a cheerleading. Nope. No. And the crazy thing is, is Nikki was part of the drill team. So she knew how to cheerlead, she knew how to support me. That's right . Right . She knew how to encourage me, but that's not what I got. You get most of the validation was, oh , that's all you got. Oh , that was whatever. You know ? But, but, but the reason why I can't label that as good or bad is validation. A lot of validation shows itself in your response. Ooh , there we go. Not their review. There we go. Ooh , I I make sure y'all heard that. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> validation is about your response. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> not their review. Oof . Because people will always review what you did. Yeah. But your response is what allows you to know whether or not you are valid in what you did, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so yeah, there definitely is this portion where you gotta be able to identify good and bad sources of audacious. So good, right. Interaction with peers, good interaction with family, good interaction with teachers, good interaction with others. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> that kind of shape your world. Here's why, you know, it's good. Are you shaping yourself? Because you honestly feel that what you did, you came out on top, you came out better than when you went in. Yes . Yes. Right? Because the flip side of that, if you hear the critics or hear the , the encouragement and you see it as invalid. Mm-hmm . Or you have invalidation, then what you hang onto is rejection. You hang onto the dismissal, you hang onto mm-hmm . <affirmative> the thoughts that are, that are working against you. You hang onto the feelings that are keeping you down. You hang onto the emotions that keep you going in the wrong direction. And the behaviors mm-hmm . <affirmative> that become habits and, and , and , and . Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , uh, destroying pathologies, who you are the pathologies. Right? That's right . That's good. Right. So, so validity and , and I want to heal somebody right here. Validity doesn't always come with a great job. A plus, A plus a plus. Teach sometimes criticism, it's still valid. Ooh , there we go . Yikes. It's still valid. Yep . Validation comes with what do you do with what you just heard based on what you just experienced. Right. Someone can come to me and say , Andre, I know you can do better. Cuz that wasn't great. Yeah. That's valid. Validation says, all right , let me go back, do it again, and I'm going to do it better. Yeah. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> validation. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Right? I can't look at the person that, that gave me constructive criticism and said , oh, you a bad resource. No, no, no. The bad resource is what did you do with what they said they saw you do? Right. What did you do with it? Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , what are you moving forward to , to do with it? So, so that's for me is just kind of this really quick understanding , uh, of validation. Let me, let me stop here and let you jump in.

Anitra: 14:42

Absolutely. And I, I co-sign everything you said when I was unpacking validation and validity. Um , I absolutely said the same thing. It's, it's innate in the human d n a to want to be seen, heard and recognized that that's kind of like, just fundamental things for us, is that we, we desire to be seen, heard, and recognized. And we want, you know, a level of recognition, affirmation. And so it's, it's o it's like it's part of us, so we're gonna seek it out, which is why there can be this kind of sometimes conflict between Right . Valuation and validation. Uh , one because validation, you know, you , you feel it, you get that sense, right ? When someone recognizes you, it's a usually a good feeling, right? You walk away saying, yeah, I feel better. And we're constantly fighting , uh, the internal turmoil of, you know, justifying ourselves and believing in who we are and overcoming negative. Right . You know, self-talk. So recognition is, is really important. And I think it's an , it's an important part of our journey in general, but we have to just be so careful because what happens is you can now trade Yes. What you value Yeah . Or your worth in pursuit of validation. And I think that's what bro , bro was hinting at, is I can absolutely, absolutely want , um, and desire and pursue that six figure , seven figure job. Uh, but I can trade, you know, my mental and emotional wellbeing for it time with my family. You absolutely can. And I think it's, it's tricky obviously in, in a , in a capitalist society because that definitely is what you see in front of you is getting to the grind of that. And so I think at the core, the overarching goal is to find the harmony , uh, between valuation. Yeah . That's good . And validity, not balance , uh, right . Cause harmony, as Andreas, as you just said, was there are times where you don't have to grind and ain't getting no validation, everything coming Right . Getting crickets. Right . Or everything is negative. Right . And you can think of any major artist or filmmaker story , like people who were content creators. They will all tell you, man, the grind was rough. Like nobody was listening. Right . Nobody came to the theaters. None of the tickets sold. Nobody watched , nobody cares . Right. Right . And I had to just keep at it because I valued what was in me as an artist. I valued my writing. You know, Stephen King , one of his earlier , uh, book drafts, he threw it in the trash and it was his wife that got it out. Right. And so there's part Wow . Yeah. There's part of this journey Wow . That says there's gonna be some seasons where nobody is validating what you're doing, what you believe, what you're pushing for. And that's why you have to have the harmony and understand I'm doing this for the value and I believe that that's it . The proper validation's gonna come. That's in the proper timing. I'm training , uh, my son, my baby boy to open my car door. Um, and here's the thing for him, he's kind of like, yeah, cool. I got it. And I don't really talk to him. I talk to him about chivalry and, you know , being a gentleman and things like that mm-hmm. <affirmative> . But I understand whether he gets it now, as long as I keep training, there is going to be a moment where his future wife, where his daughters, where other absolutely women in the community society are gonna be like, you are such, and actually, you know what ? Thank you Holy Spirit. I've actually heard them say that already. Um, you know , in his swimming classes, he'll stop and let the young girls go first. And that's something I continue to push in . And it's, and here's the reason why I bring it up in this context, is the grind is, is for me to keep that . Cuz I'm, you know, fairly independent. I'm so used to just moving stuff. So I have to actually stop to make sure he can do it Right. But I understand that the value is one for me to teach my son the importance of chivalry and being a gentleman. But it's also a reminder for a

Andre: 18:17

Unmarried woman

Anitra: 18:18

Idea . You're preaching to be able to say, don't forget this. So when God brings you your husband, you haven't gotten so independent that you forget what it's like for someone to open your door. And so it, it's a part of the grind, it's a part of the understanding that whether the validation comes right now I value this. My , our grandfather, he valued entrepreneurship and I wanna really point this out. While he kept full-time jobs working in factories with benefits. Yes. In the union, he also valued entrepreneurship. Yes . He , where he did , yes , he did Seit work on the side and he taught all his brothers cuz he was the oldest right . Now. Do you think they wanted to do it? He told us they didn't wanna do it, but eventually they understood the value of it. And the validation came when people started calling their , their company to come and do the se cement to come and build their pool to come and lay out their, their , uh, back deck and things like that. And then they taught all of their boys and all of their cousins. And so no one wanted to do it when grandpa was forcing them to learn <laugh> , make semen and stir it up. And , and grandpa was very , uh, particular, he didn't play. Like that's why he Right . The value he put in his work and in his name. He said, we're not gonna cut corners. We're not gonna get cheap materials. And that was part of the reason. Ask me how . Oh , how you know , I'm go tell it . Go tell it.

Andre: 19:31

Listen, the summers in Dayton, Ohio were spent learning how to slack and learning how to lay down cement and learning how to roof and learning how to do electric . I'm nine years old, certified grow 30 year old. Don't know what I know. <laugh> .

Anitra: 19:47

He's still waiting for validation. He's still waiting , waiting for validation.

Andre: 19:50

<laugh> . But, but wait, but wait. No, there's something you said , wait, wait, let me listen. I , I I don't go for it . Go ,

Anitra: 19:55

Go ,

Andre: 19:56

Go . You're going , but no, you said something. I wanna make sure we hear this. Validation comes with an audience. Valuation starts when the audience is gone. Y'all didn't hear what I just said. Good . Y'all didn't hear what ? And you had you said it though. I love it because most people don't move on to valuation. Why? Because they're still looking for the audience to say you're doing a good job. No valuation comes when the audience is gone and you stay consistent with where you want to go to the next level. My you'll grind when nobody's watching valuation. You don't need validation till the grind is over. Then you can look for the audience and say , did I do all right? Because the

Anitra: 20:35

Value . Right . Because of the value .

Andre: 20:36

Because of the value. Like , woo boy, look at here. Gotta

Anitra: 20:39

Go.

Andre: 20:40

Boy. Look . And you also started just kind of, you know, we have testing grounds mm-hmm. <affirmative> mm-hmm . <affirmative> where we can test the valuation validation. You, you know, you , you've started that conversation and really, you know, one of the questions that I want, want you want everyone to kind of ask themselves is , is well who are you bringing your validation and valuation to? Yeah. Yeah . Who are you bringing it to? Cuz you talked about content creator, and that's part of life . I'm not a content creator, I just , you know, I know what I , but there are times where I am preaching a sermon or teaching a lesson mm-hmm . <affirmative> and it is quiet as all get out. Yep . <laugh> . And I'm wondering to myself, yes . How's it going? Did I study the wrong word ? Right . Did I do the , am I, am I, am I being seen as a false prophet mm-hmm. <affirmative> mm-hmm. <affirmative>, is that a stone being thrown at me? Yeah. Like, I'm, I'm wondering because you , but but in actuality, valuation says no, they're thinking about it. They're letting it sink in. Yeah. Why? Because you brought the value , you brought the valuation to the right crowd. So good, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So yes, I preach, I teach, but I don't preach and teach everywhere. Yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I hope someone heard what I just said. Yeah. Right. No, I don't preach and teach everywhere Wherewhere signed . Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. I'm not Finn to lay out a whole sermon on Instagram and then look and see did I get enough likes looking for validation in areas where my value isn't really of any value. Yeah . And so we, you know, when you , when you're testing your grounds of valuation, vation number one, test it in the, test it in the right space. Yep . And then to understand that the value was there before the test even started. So don't worry about what you see, worry about the impact that it has. Worry about where it takes people. Yeah . And so we gotta be, you know, we we're testing these areas, we've gotta be real careful, we gotta be real careful mm-hmm . <affirmative> because you, you know, I believe there's some folk that tested what they found valuable in a place where people don't find value with it . That's why I go , that's why I mentioned the song No Church in the Wild earlier. Yeah. Yeah . Like why am I taking a sermon to people who are non-believers ? Why am I, you know, I might be trying to sway them. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> Sure. I might be trying to introduce them mm-hmm . <affirmative> mm-hmm . <affirmative> , but I don't find validity in them. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , right ? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> . Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . I'm not saying to them, hey, did what I say about God is Right. I'm atheist, <laugh> , why do I care? Mm-hmm . <affirmative> mm-hmm. <affirmative> . Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . And then all of a sudden now I'm inval I'm signing in invalidity. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> or Invaluation mm-hmm . <affirmative> , no , no, no, no. I'm going in the right space mm-hmm . <affirmative> , I'm setting, I'm going , making sure I'm going in the right fertile ground. Yeah . I'm going where God said, Hey, watch this. There's a difference between non-believers and unbelievers . That's good. That's good. Okay . Yep . There's a difference between those who will, who can value mm-hmm. <affirmative> or those who, who will end value. Yeah . There's a difference between those who will bring validity mm-hmm. <affirmative> and those who will cause you to feel invalid. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, there's a difference. Go where God is taking you to go, go where you're supposed to go with these things. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> when you're taking, when you're , uh, testing , uh, the ground of valuation and, and validity. And then you, you know, you, you gotta make sure you're taking risks on yourself. Because another reason why we don't balance the two, cuz we're not gonna take a risk. I heard something I didn't like mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So instead of improving and trying again or trying something new, I'll just stay. I'm not gonna do it at all. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> scared . So you don't bring that balance. You're too scared . Right. So, so I'm gonna , I'm gonna let you jump in here as far as testing ground or taking risks . Absolutely. Uh, and , and testing your valuation or your validation.

Anitra: 24:28

Yeah. I think the, the key questions that came up for me when I was thinking about, you know, testing the ground is I always ask the question is the the source growth minded? You know? Yeah. Um , that's good. So it's, you know, the best recognition affirmation, it should push you to further development. It shouldn't stop. Right? There should be growth. You guys have seen those shirts or those, you know, billboards that say grow or die and it seems kind of aggressive when you read it , but the truth is, you know, we are living being, if we're not growing, what are we doing? Right. And so you have to push forward. My current trainer, who I absolutely love , um, he's, he's amazing. He's not only working with me in terms of fitness and proper technique, but after about a good two months or so of just consistently, you know , me going and learning techniques and learning to breathe, bro , bro , he started talking to me about stress. And I remember when we sat down, I said, well, aren't we gonna talk about diet? He said, no. Yeah. We're gonna talk about diet, we gonna talk about proper rest, we gonna talk , we'll keep talking about different techniques. He said, but the next thing is stress. And I kept thinking to him what he said, because if you don't get a handle on stress and start to think about the level of stress in your life , that's , that's it. It impacts the way you exercise. It impacts the way you eat. It impacts the way you sleep or don't get sleep. And so he came into that and said, yeah, you just completed two months. You're doing great . You've lost weight, you're looking stronger. Now we're ready to talk about stress. Cuz first you had to show me your commitment and dedication. Now we're gonna work out the rest of the program here. I'm thinking just gimme my flowers and my accolades and let's move to some weights . Right . Right . You know ? Right . Let's move to some, let me get up on the bars. Lemme start slinging that CrossFit, you know, rope or something. Right ? Right . And he's like, nah , let's talk about your stress levels. And I'm like, I don't wanna cry. I didn't come in and cry

Andre: 26:13

<laugh> . Right, right, right. I

Anitra: 26:15

Love it . But he understand it's a total body. It is . It's a total mind. It it's a total , uh, you know, your emotional capacity, you're a total being. And so yeah . If it's a source and if it's a ground that's not growth-minded, then you need to consider making an adjustment. Right. That's a , you wanna go to a absolutely a growth-minded testing ground. Cuz that's the way you're gonna really determine is this someone something that is for you and that is proper valuation that leads to proper validation. He, he wasn't interested in saying good job on your squats in nature . He was saying, now let's look at some other parts of who you are. Right . Another key thing for me is, you know, it should maintain your character or, and or your worth. Uh, and absolutely. So if this ground is going to take you outta character, and that's what's tricky about validation is that it can feel good. Cuz we've already established it's innate in the human d n a to wanna be seen, heard and recognized. But if we're not careful, we'll let that recognition feel kind of too good, right? Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . And then before you know it, you don't even realize that validation is slowly chipping away, chipping away at your character and your worth . It is one of my good friends, this was years ago, but I still remember it because it helped me really transform, you know, my behavior. We were hanging out one day, we hadn't seen each other for a couple months and we're hanging out and I guess I must have been just kind of let some curse words go. And she finally stopped and she said, who you been hanging around <laugh> ? Right. And this is what I love about for like proper testing ground. Yeah . She didn't get into the cursing with me and she didn't judge me, like make me feel bad . Like, girl, y'all party mouth . She just said, you've been somewhere, you've been doing some things that are taking you outta character and that's cool if that's how you wanna be. But I know Anitra, that's not your character. So she just inquired like, what you been doing? Right . And it was such a wake up call. I was like, you're right. And then I thought about who I've been hanging around, didn't need to hang around and make some Yeah . All that adjustments, right? But it's like, don't ever, whatever it is, don't ever let that validation change your character main , it should maintain and improve your character. It's also, and this is more of a funny example, it's also like, you know, when you change up your style, we've been talking about fashion earlier and I'm guilty of this, you know, you change up your style. Maybe you try a new dress or a new shoe. Mm-hmm . New cologne. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> let you get one good compliment. Now everything in your wardrobe <laugh> Right? The change now you splashing on 20 more splashes that cologne and killing everybody walking through the hallway. It's like, come on now. That's taking you outta character. You know, you don't need to spend all that money. You got one little cute outfit. Keep it going. Find your way. Right. Keep it going, keep it going. Trying to be extreme. Right. So that's the other thing. It should maintain your character. And then the last bit is, you know, if it encourages unhealthy comparisons, that's not a good space to work in. You know, if you , uh, <laugh> , if you're hanging posters of Idriss Elba and Jonathan Majors without his shirt in the room and , and air quotes inspiring your husband to keep working out, that's not a good comparison. <laugh>. Okay . You ain't helping boo. That ain't helping your man. Listen, listen , listen. And no , same thing for the men, same thing for the bed . Don't be hanging up no pictures of whoever your favorite, you know, Alicia Keys or whatever, Tracy , like, don't be doing it. Right. That's not co just trying to admire God's good work on this earth that no ain admire . No . And you ain't really helping them by , in curling . Look at how they look. No, that's not working. Right. So if there's unhealthy comparisons that this, you know, testing ground is doing, it's kind of keeping you addicted in essence that you keep looking back on what's the next thing I need to do? What's the next thing I need? Then that's not a good space you need to get, get away from that. And then lastly, does it encourage fear or does it steal your joy? And that's anything fear of, you know , missing out. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Because you cannot miss out on and what's not ordained for you. So you never need to let fear come into that fear that you're not doing enough, that you're doing too little, that you are over this, you know, anything that encourages that is kind of motivated or led by fear in order for you to get that validation. That's not a good space to work in. Right. And you wanna get out of that. Or if it just steals your joy. And I , I remember I was gonna run a marathon years ago and now when I think about, think about it, I only wanted to run the marathon cuz I wanted to be able to say I ran a marathon. There was no other reason for me , no other reason to do it. Yeah . And so when I started getting involved in the groups that trained for it, bro, bro , when I tell you I would be afraid if I missed it cuz oh , we gotta do mile 11 this week and I can't miss it cuz I gotta make mile 11. And I was going to lord r e i buying a little, little fanny packs with the goo and the shoes and trying to practice how I was gonna drink the water in two seconds and keep going. And, and after a while I said, the devil is a lie . I said, this done turned into a job and I'm stressed. I was like, I don't need to do this. I do not need to do this marathon. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , I had to let it go. So if it puts you into a space where it encourages fear, steals your joy, that's a good indicator that this is not the , you know, what you need to be doing. And tho those testing grounds help you absolutely determine do I need this type of validation? And is it rooted in proper valuation? If it's not, then it's, it's good to make a change.

Andre: 31:23

Yeah. I , I've, I asked , there's really just great points for me. There's just one question I would ask to test these grounds and that, and, and, and in that question I set , I'd have to set the scenario that if I lost everything mm-hmm . <affirmative> , so I lost my possessions, I lost my relationships, my friendships, my status, my job, my career, my accomplishments, my achievements. If I lost everything, everything been , has been taken away from me. And all I had was myself. I would say ask myself two things. How do I feel?

Anitra: 31:57

That's good. That's good.

Andre: 31:58

Because my feeling may tell me what I, what I feel like I'm missing. Oof .

Anitra: 32:04

That's

Andre: 32:04

Good. And if I feel like I'm miss something, what am I going to do to fulfill? Or what am I gonna do to fill the void of what I'm missing? And then the second question I'd ask myself is, is well what do I have of value? And if all I've got is my mind mm-hmm . <affirmative> , all I've got is a dream. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, then I'm going to say, now how do I balance what I feel and how do I balance what I value, having everything taken away from me? Cuz that's where I am at my core. And that's where I'm willing to take a risk on myself. When it comes to valuation and validation. That's where I'm willing to take a risk on myself. If I've got nothing, I can't take a risk on something that's temporal. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I can't take a risk because I got the money. Well then what if you don't have the money ? Right. I can't take a risk because I have the degree. Well, what , what happens when that degree means nothing? Can't take the risk because I've got a material. What happens when that material Yeah . Dissipates, fades away. Yep . Becomes irrelevant and accessible. Are you still valid then? Are you still valid? Are you still valuable then? Right. So what do I have when I'm down to absolutely nothing? And all I've got is myself, no connections, nothing. What do I have? Well Andre, you are still very innovative. That's the value. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, what do I feel? I feel determined. All right , Andre. That's what's valid. Let's go, let's go. And so tho that's kind of what I look at when I say, what am I gonna take the risk on? You got nothing, Andre , what you gonna take ? Well, I'm gonna take the risk on preaching the word of God. That's right. Okay. Your name don't mean anything. I don't care. Didn't need to mean anything. Right. You ain't got no megachurch. I don't care. I didn't need to have a megachurch. You didn't come from a family of preachers. Mm . I don't care. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , I didn't need to come from that. All I needed God to do is show me what, how he created me and show me why it's valid in the way that I've been created. And that's how then I take the risk on myself.

Anitra: 34:15

Yeah. I love it. I love it. Do you want to go ahead and jump into the transformational perspective?

Andre: 34:19

Absolutely.

Anitra: 34:20

Absolutely. Let's do that. So the world, you know, when you think about this, we're talking about validation and, and valuation. The world is always going to define us. Right? Like that's the bo the mindset of the counterpoint here is that we are going to be viewed and defined by the environment that we live in. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , whether we want to or not. So this kind of counter thought to what we're suggesting, simply says, why bother trying to figure out, you know , what my value is, why not be a little bit more fluid with life and let life happen? Because I can't have any control to say over the way people outside of me view me. They're gonna define it anyway. And when you think about people of color, unfortunately that's, there's been a lot of truth to that, right? When you're a person of color, people try to put stereotypes, generalizations, statistical information. I'm using air quotes with that last one , um, on you because of how you look, because of how you talk, because of where you come from. And so mm-hmm . <affirmative> , there is always this space in society that we live in that says, the world is gonna define you. So don't bother trying to figure out these details. Go ahead <laugh> .

Andre: 35:26

Yeah, no. So, so the first part of that, of the counterpoint is very true. The world is always going to try to tell you what you're worth. Mm-hmm . And the truth of that is, is you actually need the world to give your feedback. That's good. But don't let feedback stop your faith. No . That good . Let's good . Don't let feedback stop , stop you moving forward. Yeah . Validation is absolutely interdependent. Mm-hmm . And relies on feedback. It also relies on encouragement. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , it also relies on the ability of others to see what you've gone through and see what you're able to do. The issue here with us, and this is the second part, why bother, why if you get to the point where you say, well why bother? It's like you're holding the scale mm-hmm . <affirmative> , but you're missing the counterweight of somebody else's perspective in your purpose. That's it . Right. That's good. So now I'm putting everything on my side of the scale and I can't balance valuation and validation cuz I'm putting everything on validation. Yeah. Instead of being able to say, oh, you said I can't do that, but I do this really well . Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , so you know what mm-hmm . <affirmative> , let me balance the two. Let me put some, put something on what I do really well on the value side of the scale and let's see if I can balance it all out. That's so good. So you gotta , you , the world is going to give you feedback, but that better not stop your faith in moving forward. That's good. Let it shape it, let it guide it a little bit. Let it challenge you. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , but don't let it stop you . And that, that , that's , that's the issue with the, with the second part of, of the kind of that why should I even do it? No , no , you should do it. You should go harder. Right, right . You go, you should go further. It's information. You know , I I lemme tell you something, I I love telling people, you know, what you were writing what you thought about me, and this is why I say that. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , you were writing what you thought is a past tense statement. What you think about me now? You were writing what you thought about me. Yeah. But what you think about me now, you were right . Criticizing mm-hmm . <affirmative> what you think about my accomplishment now. Now. Yeah. Yeah. You are right in what you felt. Yeah. But , but what's the emotion you're experiencing now? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, because I have the ability to take validation in all of its forms and find value in the criticism, find value in the critique, find value in whatever in the, in the , uh, the , I find value both in the character assassination Yeah . As well as the character affirmation. That's so good. I find value because I'm going to turn it into something of value that moves me further into whatever it is I , I feel like I'm supposed to be doing. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , uh, I'm called to do to . But again, too many, too many people are only putting everything on the validation side of the scale. Too many people are making sacrifices mm-hmm. <affirmative> of what's valuable because they're hanging onto the wrong validation. Yeah . And the problem that arises when you do that mm-hmm . <affirmative> , is that it's not possible for you to see value when you have failed. See value when you've been knocked down. See value when you've been heard . In other words, if all I do is I put the opinions, the approval, the recognition of someone else over what I have put on my vision board, what I put in my, you know, in my future mm-hmm. <affirmative>, now all of a sudden I need an external source to balance me out. See , see ? Yep . Yep . I ain't never going to need to, I will never put myself in a position where I gotta rely on you Right . To show me my worth. Right. That ain't fitting to happen. And I'm gonna tell you why that ain't fitting to happen. Cuz I had a sister <laugh> that wanted to take my worth , take my value, and I had to fight through that. Yeah . I had to discover my worth because mm-hmm . I've got this, this sister in my native land top out . I ain't Finn to give you this space . <laugh> , I'm not Finn to give you that joy. I ain't Finn to make you feel good about what you do , <laugh> . So listen, listen, listen. If you ain't got no haters, then you really don't know how valuable you are. You are. So I think I , I thank God for the hater that was born four years after I was born. The hater that was born four years after hours

Anitra: 39:49

Fired ,

Andre: 39:50

Four years, two months, and four days. No, no, no. Excuse me. Uh , uh, 11 days, 12 days. There we go. <laugh> . There we go . And if I knew the hour in which my hat was born, I could tell you hours and I can tell you hours. Well , let me google map the distance. Hold on a second. I you go , go on and go on and talk about the , I know that was the bottom line. The bottom line is, is is this walking through life, you're , you're gonna discover your worth. Yeah . And sometimes the world you live in will absolutely reveal mm-hmm. <affirmative> what you need to discover Yes . In , in your, in your worth. And that could be through relationships. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , that could be through trial and error. The risks you take. My thing is this, never stop discovering your value.

Anitra: 40:39

Yes. I love it. I love it. Never ,

Andre: 40:41

Never stop discovering your

Anitra: 40:42

Value. I I just wanna add a parenting strategy. And I , and this is something that speaks to, you know, the core of this, of, of the counterpoint in terms of the world presenting their feedback and then, you know, our job to keep discovering our worth. Uh , what I noticed , and, and I think I , yeah, I learned this actually from a few other parents who were back at fm u with me, but I definitely, I implemented and how I raised Malachi. But I noticed that, you know, when people talk to Kai and they , they always point out the the good things and they would say, oh, Malachi, you know, you're super helpful. You're so handsome. Uh , you're super kind. Like the things that they see that are great. They , I'd hear people saying that. And I decided to then start speaking to the parts that I knew he was working on because I wanted to agree with them and where they were celebrating his positive traits. But I also wanted to speak life into the things that he's working on, on. So I'd be like, yeah, Malachi, you're so patient, <laugh>, you know? Right . Malachi, you're such a, a great, cuz he , he's like, I hate reading. I was like, you're such a great reader. Right. And that would be a strategy as a parent. So he can't continue to say, I'm not this based on what the world has presented, or I'm not this, or I'm only this, you know, I'm only because that becomes a problem too. If so many people tell you you're handsome. If so many people tell you you're cute. Right. Then I can start to go in your head too. So it , it's the same strategy that I use in terms of parenting that we have to use within, you know, within ourselves at times to to, yeah . If everyone is telling you you're great at these things, you, it's a thank you and you continue to work at those, but the areas where they may tell you you're not so great or the areas where they're not even speaking to, but you know, it's part of the value that you have and part of the work that you have, you gotta speak to it and say, yes son, you are patient. Uh, yes son, you're, you're going to be an amazing, you know , uh, reader and writer. You keep speaking to that so that it continues to grow and that is part of the discovery of your worth. Cuz if you don't speak to it and you don't, you know, apply the value that says this will get better, this will improve. Right . Uh, this doesn't have to stay here. Doesn't mean it's , it's gonna be my best thing, but it doesn't mean I'm giving space for it to improve. Absolutely . I'm giving space for it to be the fullness of my authentic self imperfections and all. Then I think that really is the bottom line is that you learn the value of you being your authentic self imperfections and all. And the only timely that that counterpart I think really becomes a major issue is when we're after perfectionism. Cuz like my bro , bro said, right , the world is going to give you feedback, but if that feedback forces you into a space of perfectionism, then it's all bad because none of us have , it's all bad and it creates, you know , uh, behaviors that we're just not interested in.

Andre: 43:26

Absolutely. Love it. Love it.

Anitra: 43:28

All right, well let's get into this quick shot.

Andre: 43:31

Okay. So I was , um, man , uh, you know, with what we're talking about, I knew it was going, I knew I was gonna find something I thought really , um, was poignant as far as kinda wrapping this, this all up. And there's a tweet that I was reading , um, and, and it , uh, what it said was is I no longer apologize for being me. This means I won't apologize for my silliness, I won't apologize for my emotions, I won't apologize for my feelings, I won't apologize for my self-care needs. I won't apologize for my energy. I won't apologize for my choices and I won't apologize for my quiet time. You're either with me or you're not. What I need you to do if you want to be in my life is value me. My experiences already validated me.

Anitra: 44:23

Ooh .

Andre: 44:24

Yep . Yeah.

Anitra: 44:25

That is good. Yeah . I

Andre: 44:26

Love it. Absolutely. Beautiful. Absolutely.

Anitra: 44:29

I love it. So I think for me, I always went on a little sillier end. Uh, cuz I love that , uh, kind of proverb or mantra, whatever it is . It says, you know, one man's <laugh> , trash is another man's treasure. Right? Right. <laugh> . Because I do think when it comes to value , uh, if nothing else that we've tried to really indi really kind of push for us all to understand that it is gonna be an individual journey for you. It is. Yeah. You know, what's valuable for you, how you validate yourself, those experiences really should be unique. And so when you think about one man's trash, you know, being another man's treasure, oh

Andre: 45:02

Lord, I can see this one .

Anitra: 45:03

It could be an interesting space. Well, I don't know . So this is all specific to things that we, you know, that we create and design that make our life easier. Cuz again, that's the other thing too, is what we value are the things that make our life, I guess better, I should say not easier. Okay. So there are a couple of creations that some different people have made some items. And I want you to determine if you think it's, you can either say trash or treasure, oh lord,

Andre: 45:28

<laugh> . Or you could

Anitra: 45:29

Say use , you could say useful or

Andre: 45:31

Useless. Or

Anitra: 45:31

Useless. Okay . <laugh> , because for someone they clearly made these things and put them out there for the world to , uh, partake in <laugh> . Geez . Let's give it a try . <laugh> . All right .

Andre: 45:42

Okay.

Anitra: 45:43

Here's the first one . A shower curtain with pockets for your cell phone or tablet.

Andre: 45:51

Useless if it , the pockets on the inside, cuz you know, unless those pockets can hold rice. If you iPhone use as , as soon as that joke could get one drop on it, you need a bag of rice. But then by the time you finish the shower, you just done went all steamed vegetables in your shower and you still got a broken iPhone. Useless. Absolutely useless

Anitra: 46:12

Completely. And if the pockets are on the outside, what's

Andre: 46:15

The point ? Still useless. Still useless. I dunno who came up with this, but I'm really mad at the person who validated by purchasing this . It's this treasure useless pocket shower curtain.

Anitra: 46:25

Yes, it is ,

Andre: 46:26

It is selling. True . Oh my god, my god . It's their treasure <laugh> . It's like Amazon's top 10 purchase. You know what? Oh , so useless.

Anitra: 46:34

Yeah . And you guys can actually find these, just so you know, you can literally Google these. This is hilarious. All right , here's another one. Okay, so they call it a metal antis safety chunk. Now let me just tell you what this is. This is a little metal piece that is designed to fit where your seatbelt will click to prevent your car from beeping <laugh>. Due to the fact that the seatbelt is not being used , you can buy it. I just wanna know, use useful , useless treasure. Trash.

Andre: 47:07

Oh lord Jesus <laugh> . So I'm, I'm, I'm split in this one. I'm gonna tell you why, right?

Anitra: 47:12

This was a good one. Yeah . <laugh> ,

Andre: 47:14

It's useless for the driver's side , but it's useful for the passenger side depending on who is in your passenger seat. Listen, listen, listen, listen. Not all , not all accidents are accidents with this metal antis safety tool. <laugh> what I'm saying, it depends on who's in my passenger seat. I might want them to like, no , no , you ain't gotta put on your seatbelt. What about the be ? Oh, here you go. Click no . Alright , <laugh> . Alright . Andre, you driving a little too fast ? I think you'll hit that pole. I think you gonna hit the pole on my side, Andre. Oh my God. Yeah. So I'm split on this one. That's where I'm going.

Anitra: 47:53

I was split too. I was split because I said, well, it can be useful if in fact your, your car is , is, you know, broken. Like if the , it can't tell that no one's in in this seat and it's broken. You may have to pay more to get the seat fixed and get that, you know, sensor corrected and it's cheaper to get the little metal block. I said, but then it's useless. Just connect your seatbelt . Like don't pay no extra money. Just put your seatbelt in there . Ain't nobody gotta be there . But your seatbelt , you didn't pay money . See ,

Andre: 48:21

That's why you too busy looking for validity from the guy driving next to you talking about why does he have a seatbelt over his grocery bag? Right ? Because I'm tired of the beeping. Cause I'm tired of the beeping. Don't judge me. I want, I want my avocado.

Anitra: 48:34

Tur safety . You're not sanity . You're not sanity . My sanity's at stake here. Uh , I love it. All right , here's another one. Uh, for those who love the smell of outdoors, so

Andre: 48:44

I no useless, that

Anitra: 48:46

Smells like dirt. <laugh>.

Andre: 48:51

Lemme tell you something. I grew up with a mama that when I came in said , go take a shower. You smell like outside <laugh> , go take a shower. Smell like outdoors,

Anitra: 48:59

Like puppy dogs .

Andre: 49:00

So , so I'm gonna tell you now, it has been embedded and etched in my psyche and in my emotional stability that anything that smells like outdoors needs a shower. No. Useless.

Anitra: 49:12

I just want you to know you guys can actually buy everything I'm talking about. All right , let's do maybe two more. Oh, this one here. Uh, uh, useless, useful. Trash, treasure, diet, water.

Andre: 49:24

Lord Jesus. Useless. Useless. You

Anitra: 49:28

Could buy it.

Andre: 49:30

Useless. Oh my God.

Anitra: 49:31

Because regular water is so high calorie, Andre. Gosh,

Andre: 49:34

No. That mean if you getting water out the faucet and you live in Miami or, or Flint, Michigan,

Anitra: 49:39

Go right That part. Yeah . Any water , diet, sugar, sugar added, just

Andre: 49:46

Get any water . So , so you mean that water's only useful in Flint, but for the rest of the lower Florida eight states, you know, useless, useless man. You can go to the store, buy some of that Kroger brand, <laugh> . No ,

Anitra: 49:59

It tell you it's so cheap. Right? Get a whole case of $2 .

Andre: 50:02

Okay ,

Anitra: 50:03

Let's do , um, let's see Let's do this one here. Um, reading glasses, but they're designed so you can read horizontally. So that means you can lay down, put the glasses on. The book can be flat on your legs, and the glasses come up vertically and reflect. So you don't have to lift your head or lift the book to read.

Andre: 50:25

Ain't that a periscope

Anitra: 50:27

Sound like it doesn't, it <laugh> it . It's like those reflective things. It's

Andre: 50:31

Like a periscope.

Anitra: 50:32

This is my point. This is my point. If I wanna lay down and go to just go to sleep, right ? You trying to read . See , that's why you trying to list .

Andre: 50:40

Cause if I'm in that position, right , reading is the last thing I'm trying to do. I'm , I can name a couple of things that I could do that I ain't gonna no before reading, if that's what I'm doing. If I gotta do that , absolutely useless. Absolutely useless. What kinda contraption does that look like on my face anyway ?

Anitra: 50:58

I just say , you guys gotta go Google what I'm saying. All of this stuff you can purchase know right now. You can purchase it and it is one man's treasure. Okay? Respect.

Andre: 51:08

Oh my

Anitra: 51:08

Gosh. Here's the last one. And I just, and then we'll end with this and , and move on. A book about the most epic YouTube video clips ever created

Andre: 51:21

A book . Okay, now a book . Now, now I'm probably going to , you know, get some, some , some, yeah . Clap back on this. But I actually would find that useful. Okay? And the re and the reason why is because I spend my time scrolling through recommendations on YouTube. Ah , I cannot stand, like, I don't understand why you're recommending me to see somebody in Tim Buck two digging a hole in order to find goldfish in order to put in their tank that they made themselves in the Amazon and brought back through customs. Like I , why do I wanna

Anitra: 51:58

See, see this ? I love that video. <laugh>, right? Right .

Andre: 52:00

So give me a book so I can stop scrolling through recommended things. My algorithm is so jacked up on YouTube. Give me the book, okay . Okay . Gimme the book. So then

Anitra: 52:11

You can book , you can just highlight on your foot . That's , and then go right and type it in , right to it .

Andre: 52:15

Go right to it .

Anitra: 52:16

I feel that , I feel that as a visual person, I was like, useless. But I , I , you actually gave it some justification. I love that. All right, so what we got for the final blow?

Andre: 52:26

So, so for this one, I think, you know, to be honest with you, Nick, I feel like the entire episode mm-hmm . <affirmative> , what we've been trying to encourage everyone to see is that your, your validity is something that you already have in you. It's just what did you do with what you have? And your valuation ought to tell people where you're going with what you have. And it reminds me of then this one true fact . Well , God lets us know in the Bible, as he says, I shaped you before the foundations of the earth. In other words, I made you valid before you failed. I made you valid before you got hurt. I made you valid before you got disappointed. And the fact that he said, I did this before, the foundations of the earth though , and , and your shaping means you've got a purpose and a future. So that means your value isn't always with where you are. It's where you're going. Because where you are might not be your stopping point. Where you are is, is is where God wants to take you. So therefore you gotta be committed on your grind. You gotta be committed for purpose. You gotta be committed to be better, to go further, to go higher and not just get stuck with where you are. Because when he shaped you before the foundations of the earth, he said, listen, I'm not sticking you in one place of the earth for you to stay there already, put everything you need in you. So you don't need to see or you don't need to hold all of your validation, people's opinions. You can learn from it. But I need you to grow because I did this for you before. Everything that might try to stop you. Everything that might be a discouragement or a hurdle. So never stay stagnant where you are. You've got more value in you than where you are. And don't let the opinions of others cause you to feel that that's all that you're valid for. No, yeah , you're , you are valid for where you're going before the opinion started and where you are. Can't keep you back from where you're what you value most in your future. Stay to your grind. Keep getting better, keep improving, keep going further, keep going in the direction in which you are anointed, you're favored , you're great to go.

Anitra: 54:47

I love it. That's a beautiful final blow. So as always, we've come to the end of the episode. We are so glad you guys joined us for this up . Please help us build the savage siblings community life . Yeah . Shared comment, review rate, subscribe,

Andre: 55:03

Subscribe, rate , all of that .

Anitra: 55:04

Send this to your favorite Savage sibling so we can build that community. Perhaps you have a trash or treasure experience or moment that you wanna share or you have a perspective on valuation and validation. We'd love to hear it . Share your thoughts with us. And of course, we have to shout out an amazing team of people who make this all possible. Uh, Dwayne McClendon and Kyle Davis, our sound editors. Thank you so much for all that you guys do. Roddy Maxwell of Maxwell Music, our music producer, sir Keith Cross of Kross Photography. Thank you as always for the amazing photos and our parents. Thank you for your DNA and all the funny life lessons to you,

Andre: 55:40

The listeners fors. Thank

Anitra: 55:41

You. Come on back and make sure you check us out for the next episode. We're always so glad you're here. And remember, don't go through life alone. We'll see you next time.

Andre: 55:52

All right , y'all , please .