Act Like You Got Some Sense ~ Part Two

Welcome Back to Part Two of Act Like You Got Some Sense!! How many times have you heard, “Act like you got some sense!” from parents and grandparents that set the social code for your family?  If this is a familiar phrase heard in your family, you will enjoy the shared experience and humor in this episode.  Andre and Anitra examine the “SOP” standard operating procedures that are established in the home and transferred across generations. Come and laugh with us as we reflect on the connection between family social codes integrated with professional and personal lifestyles.  

Memorable Quotes:

• The impact social codes have on family social brands will determine decisions in life. ~ Andre
• You need to know that other people are ok, so you are ok. ~ Malachi
• Not all family codes integrate into personal code. ~ Anitra
• When family coding challenges you to be better, hold on to it.  If it is condemning, fight to let go of it. ~ Anitra
• Always a cheat code in order to get the benefits of the code. ~ Andre
• God created tear ducts and emotions for men and women. ~ Anitra
• When the older sibling broke the family law, the parents developed a code to prevent another infraction. ~ Andre
• Dad, do I have to do this because you screwed up as a child? ~ Khouri
• At the end of every warning label is a grandmother who said, “Act like you have some sense!” ~ Andre
• General code, rule; just be quiet. ~ Andre
• Did you pass down a code of conduct that your children can thrive and survive socially? ~ Andre

Keywords: 

#MentalHealth, #therapy,  #psychotherapy, #relationships, #psychology, #healing, #counseling, #ministry, #theology, #transformation, #change, #counselor, #therapist, #wholeness, #healthy, #health, #lifestyle, #mental, #emotions, #emotional, #spiritual, #minister, #christianliving, #christian, #wellness, #lifecoach, #forgiveness, #SavageSibling, #Savage, #Sibling,  #Brother, #Sister, #Family, #Parent, #S2Mediaworks, #SavageSiblingsPodcast, #Standoperatingprocedure, #socialcode, #professionalcodeofconduct, #Rulesofthegame, #FamilyBrand, #ActLikeYouGotSense, #Wedontdothat, #reflectivespace, #Behaviorpatterns, #Integrateandassimilate, #Selfpreservationandprotection,

Call to Action: 

• Post comments! Leave us a review!
• Share your family social codes or social codes that you think should be canceled altogether. 
• Any topics you want us to discuss?

Sound Editors: Kyle Davis and Dwayne McClendon
Music: Maxwell Music
Photography: K.Cross Photography

0:00      Introduction
02:00  Savage Segment: How Are You Coded?
20:50  Savage Segment: What Social Codes have we passed on to our children?
37:38  Transformational Perspective: There is always a cheat code to the social code…
48:00  The Quick Shot: Social Codes - Keep ‘em or lose ‘em?
1:02:16  The Final Blow: Find the Wisdom in the codes
1:05:16  Closing: Thanks for joining us!

Brutally Honest. Relentlessly Transparent. Unapologetically Authentic.

Transcript

Anitra: 0:05

Hey, hey, beautiful people. How are we doing? I am Anitra n Lawson storyteller, producer, educator, content creator. He , he is Dr . Andre Evans. I'm gonna call him a social code breaker for the Evans family. Yep . Social code breaker for the Evans family. Just breaking everything. <laugh> , we are the Savage siblings, and this is the Savage Siblings podcast, where we are brutally honest, relentlessly transparent, and unapologetically authentic . So glad you guys are rocking with us for another episode. Listen, welcome back to part two. Yep . And this is part two of act Like you got some sense . Listen, we've all said it to someone, or someone has said it to us, right? Someone has said, act like you got some sense . And if they didn't say that, do you know what they said? They probably said something like, can't take you anywhere. Which, that's the same thing, right? Both of these statements speak to the topic for this episode. And last episode, last step . We left off discussing social codes in our lives. All of 'em , right? Starting with the family brand and the development of those social codes moving into societal standards, right? The standard operating procedures that we gotta deal with in society , and really how we navigate that, right? We navigate what family instills in us or maybe what our families didn't instill in us, and how society impacts that. So this is part two of that discussion. So of course, if you didn't listen to part one, please put a pause right now. Go and listen to part one so you can get all caught up. Because we define social codes from our perspective. We talk about family branding as part of that definition and how society impacts all of that. So we laid a lot of foundation to some groundwork. Please go back and check it out. Now, if you are all caught up. We got a lot more discussed in this part two of the episode. So right here, right now, part two of act Like You Got some sense . Y'all ready? Here's the question. You ready to get Savage? Good. Let's get savage.

Andre: 2:05

What's so crazy is, is as we're talking about the two definitions, family, siblings, and we're gonna move on to a third one real quick. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , we're, we're hitting both sides. Mine seems to be so externally driven . Yours seems to be really internally driven . Yep . And , and we were raised in the same household, just coded two different ways. Yeah . But when you put 'em both together, it still has to create this, resolve that. Then when you get out into society and society says, what are you made of? And society says, are you , are you coded strong? Can or can I change your coding? Can I change your d n a ? So good, right ? Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , because , because in terms of social norms, social behavior, code of content by society, standard culture is the most significant feature in society. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> . So the question becomes , uh, you know, will , can, are you coded in a way that society cannot change who you are? Yeah. Because if it does, then you really don't have a social code. Yeah. You really don't have a family brand. And that's not, you know, we, we, we gotta be able to maintain, you know, those things that make us who we are as a, as a member of our family mm-hmm. <affirmative> , um, make us who we are as a member in terms of culture and heritage. Uh, and, and those are those some total of just kind of our behavior patterns, our attitudes, our values. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , our mm-hmm. <affirmative> , um, you know, and then those things we share , uh, with others, but at the same time, we hold fast to how we've, we've been, you know, been raised , um mm-hmm . <affirmative> . And , and the truth of the matter is, is , is so much of our human behavior really does vary a lot mm-hmm . <affirmative> under different social conditions. Well, the only thing that can be standard then is, is what was coded in you. How were you raised? What, what, what makes you your family mm-hmm . <affirmative> . Um , and , and and how does that withstand just kind of socially , uh, be ? Because what you can't do is let society de define who you are. Right. That's good. You have to be such a strong definition of your family that society says you are what makes our culture. Like I'd rather society say because of who Andre and Nikki were as representing the Evans family. They are part of the reason why we have culture. Yeah . Without them, we don't have culture. We have assimilation. Yeah. And so, yeah. So, so, you know, so, so all of these things kind of add up to, to how society should define, you know, those social codes or those social behaviors , um, from an anthropological standpoint at least. Sure, sure. Yeah. Yeah. So, so let's get into this. Uh, wait, I'm sorry. Did you wanna add to that?

Anitra: 4:57

I was just gonna say, I feel like, and you kind of hinted at it, but definitely society challenges , uh, that you know what those social poses are for you that your family built. And so while we're, we're going to , uh, see it, experience it, 'cause you have to go out and live in the world and you're around. Mm-hmm . All these different people, the melting pot society , uh, the different economic statuses and all those different things. Um, it's like you said, you have to make sure that you can stay grounded in your family legacy and your family brand, but also take the, take the areas where, where you might wanna broaden where you might Yeah . That's good . Want to, to , um, add some bits to your i your identity, your brand. Yeah . That make you and the family better. And I wanna go back to your, your fashion thing. I don't know if you remember, we used to call my brother Mr. Gq , um, because of how into fashion he was and, you know, he wanted to look a certain way. And I agree he, he got that from dad. 'cause mom and I are not stylish at all. <laugh> dad is more stylish. Uh , but Andre took it a step further. Um, and I was talking to mom about this and , and in terms of how society can attempt to put pressures right. On your family brand and your social codes, and then you gotta figure out how , how to react. And she said, I never forget when I think you got into middle school into high school for young men at that time, you know, brand name clothing was a big deal. Like it was a status situation. Yeah. And you know, our family's trying to figure things out economically. What the way mom described it was, she said it was more important for your brother to have one really nice name , brand outfit, or pair of shoes. And he would, he was okay with that versus me. I liked Variety and I didn't care anything about name brand . So if you said I could take the same budget, I could buy you 15 outfits, you know, from Sears and you would Mitch and match 'em and dress 'em up and add your accessories and you were good, Dre would be like, no, get me that one. Puma, that one Adida, that one Nike. Yeah . Yeah . And he was fly and he was like, it's gonna do what it needs to do. And so that again, speaks to how yeah . Society's going to try to pressure ad change , uh, you know, your social family codes , uh, but then you have to figure out how you work through it. And it , the same thing I think about with Malachi is that, you know, it's less about what clothes he wears more is more about the shoes that's become kind of the thing. Sure, sure . And you know what brand of shoes, and, and that begins to matter. But Kai is high hard on his shoes. Like, he's like me that he just, he's hard on them . <laugh> . And so the more pair he has, the longer that they'll last. And he is gotta learn how to protect. And that's what I've just basically told him is that you're gonna have to take care of your shoes. We're gonna get two good name brand ones that you like, and then we're gonna get these other off-brand on sale ones. Right. Right . You're gonna have to make that work. But that's the idea is it can't come and subsume you, you can't let society say, you gotta have this, you must do this. Right . You Right . If that's gonna take you out of your economic status, which that then becomes a challenge. 'cause you can't afford all those shoes. Right . You can't afford to get all , you don't need to get credit cards to do it, to try to, you know, keep up with the Joneses. And that's a whole nother coding issue. Right. And so it's, it's making sure that the value system in the family brand that's been established, that's healthy and that's good. You maintain it. But you find some ways like bro , bro did. He's like, just gimme one dope outfit, you know, once a quarter I'm good. You know ? Right . Or however that approach is. And the other thing I wanna say is it, it's funny that when you get to a place, and I didn't know this mom shared this , um, with me about you <laugh> , bro, bro . But there's also a time where you are , uh, broadening your identity, your social codes, and it brings you joy. So apparently you guys, my brother started picking the , his destination cities, the cities he would move to based on the professional sports team on teams. Yeah. <laugh>. Yeah . Which in my mind is like what <laugh> , right ?

Andre: 8:56

Yeah.

Anitra: 8:57

But he had gotten to a place where he could do that and it brought him joy and it certainly wasn't our brand. Listen, my dad don't wanna move ever. Like, he's so happy being exactly where he is. And my mom will stay wherever she is forever. Yes. That's not me. I don't , I like to travel, but home is home. But my brother, apparently Charlotte is , was a good spot, you know? Yeah. Great sports atmosphere. <laugh>, I understand he almost had like a full meltdown when the Chargers left. San Diego came to la Yes , I did. Yes. Like we had to have inter

Andre: 9:28

No , almost wasn't. No, almost.

Anitra: 9:30

Okay. It just happened. No low key . It just did. And so, but that's something that again, is definitely a social, you know, code specific to sports that is now part of his identity. He didn't get it from the family, but it's the place where he can honor it when he can. And it brings him joy. And I definitely think you try , try not to, you should allow those spaces where you can.

Andre: 9:51

So, so, so let's, let's take that example. It sounds like it's about sports, but really what it's about is the impact that codes have on the family, the social codes have on family . Yeah . I love sports. Yes. But the reason why it's picking these cities with these great sports is because of the atmosphere of the city. Sure. It meant it would be vibrant. It meant it would be be family oriented. It meant it would have a lot of activity in it. I love Wichita 'cause I'm a country cowboy mm-hmm . <affirmative> , but there wasn't a lot of vibrant activity. Why 'cause hundred percent it couldn't attract some of these things that make a vibrant city. That's good. Yeah . So , so, so when I looked for activities to do in Wichita, I often had to look outside of Wichita. Yep . Right? Yep . So no city . I'm choosing Charlotte. I chose San Diego because of the vibrancy. If you've got two sports teams, it wasn't even it . I love the sports, but what it was really about is you got a city that has a lot going on. Mm-hmm . And that's directed to who I am. So in my social coding, because remember dad was always like, no, let's go see the Grand Canyon. Let's go to Disneyland. Yes . Let's go to Vegas. So he put in me, get out and enjoy life. Yeah . So since my coding in terms of who we were social economically, said, well, we're not millionaires. Therefore I need to pick a city where I don't have to go far. It's already here.

Anitra: 11:23

That's good.

Andre: 11:24

That's good. Right. So, so that's what I'm, that's what I was looking at. I was looking at, well , what's this going to cost me to live here because I like this type of lifestyle. Mm . Mm-hmm. <affirmative> mm-hmm . <affirmative> , what's it gonna cost me to , to, to, to live here because I like this type of behavior. Yeah . Right. And so, so that speaks to kind of what you said a little bit earlier is, is once you know your social codes, once you know your, your, your family legacy, your family brand, once it's, it's in your, your d n a, you know, set up a life where you can live within that. Now I'm not talking about finances, I'm just talking about life. Life. Yeah . Like , who are you, you're , so the , the way your parents put in you, you know, if you're, if you are a thrill seeker, seek out a life where you don't have to go outside of your coding mm-hmm . <affirmative> in order to fulfill your three , your thrill seeking . Because, be because if you, if you break the code, if you, if you're breaking the, the, the code, the social code, the code of conduct, then you're, then you're , you're stepping one outside of who you naturally are. You , you're stepping outside of, you know, what's been kind of ingrained in you. You're stepping out and you're, and you're putting yourself in a position where you may expose that, you know what you, y'all were never , you were not this, like, this isn't how you were raised. This isn't mm-hmm . <affirmative> , this isn't what you do. You're, you may be exposing the fact that you can't handle life in certain areas. I, I remember. And , and I will see if I can make , you know , I , I remember a time we were at King's Island and , um mm-hmm. <affirmative> . So, so the social coding in my life at that point is, is this is how we behave. This is how we carry ourselves. This is, you know, this is the way we think. This is the way we, you know, we handle life. And when we do things the way that we are , we are to do Andre Good things come to you. You get to do Yeah . Good things. So we're in King's Island. That's the black man's Disney world. 'cause it's a great place. And so we're in King's Island and, and I had a moment where I broke the social code. I acted in a way that I wasn't raised to act mm-hmm . <affirmative> . And so we were in this long, you were too young, I'm sure to remember this. We were in this long table with family members and people all around watching and seeing us enjoy and, and , and , and behave according to the way that we were raised to behave. Acting like we have some sense. And I had a moment where I broke the code of logic and sense and sensibility <laugh> . Oh no . <laugh> . And mom slapped me. Oh God. <laugh> the whole table stopped what it was doing and looked at me. The rides in the parks stopped and looked at me. The grease that was frying the corn dog stopped and looked at me. Right . The animatronics and Spur Island stopped and looked at me <laugh> . And it was in that moment I realized, you know , there's a real pain in breaking the code , the social code . Now I'm telling y'all a , you know, a surface level story, but there's a truth to what I'm saying. There's a truth to what I'm saying. Yep . The reason why, you know, you're , you're the , the impact that social codes have on you Yeah . Is to make sure you stay within this ability to live life at its best and not step outside of who you are. Yeah . Not step outside of who you are. 'cause it hurts when you step outside of who you are . Yes , it does . And and I'm gonna say something. Not everybody that's going to hear this was meant to be a millionaire. Stop stepping outside of your social economic code . Wow. Find joy where you are . Not everybody who's hearing this is supposed to live in a big mansion on a high heel . Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , stop stepping outside of what makes a home. That's good . This is how's your parents raised you, your siblings added to your coding in order for you to be able to take what life gives you and make the best out of it. I'm not saying you can't get better, but I'm saying Yeah . Yeah . When you step outside of your code of conduct, you start to expose what you, what's not in your d n a , what's not a part of who you are. And , and that's, that's the impact of what social codes have on you at generation to generations family. But that's also that those moments where your mom teaching everybody else , your dad listen, teaching everybody else <laugh> , there's certain codes that should never be broken. Ever, ever be broken. Otherwise, you like me going get slapped by this world and everybody be

Anitra: 16:22

Around that you

Andre: 16:23

Gonna stop everything around. You gonna stop and look at you before exposing what's not in your d n A , what's not in your family, your social code. D n a , uh, so, so , yeah. No, listen, listen dick , listen code social codes definitely have an impact on you. And , and , and, and you just, just stay within them . Just, just stay within them .

Anitra: 16:46

You guys could clearly see Dre, they dealt with Dre much more harshly because he needed that <laugh> . I , I remember dad correcting me and , and really teaching me , um, he taught me not to be careless with people's time. And I'm bringing this up here in terms of social coach . As I was the one that was late to the podcast recording today. I will acknowledge Right . <laugh> that part right now . I was late. You said

Andre: 17:09

Today that's , but I

Anitra: 17:10

Didn't forget today. No , no . Like, yeah . Okay. Hush . Anyway , I'm still working on it . I'm still working. I'm growing <laugh>, so, okay . But the first time that I heard, you know, someone say to me and help me, you know, really put time in a different , uh, reference that it's not yours. Like when other people are expecting you, you are now taking their time, a precious commodity that they can't get back. And they even trusted that time to you. We were supposed to go to dinner, we did go but a dinner with , uh, an aunt and an uncle in , in Wichita and his dad and me. We were already in college when I was in high school. And I mean, I don't remember what time, I don't remember what time I was supposed to be there, but they told me, let's say it's three 30 in the afternoon that, you know, that's when we're going to leave the house to go to meet them. So I had left that day and they said, be back, you know, we'll say by three 30 now, Dre, I pull up to our place at like 3 28, maybe 3 29. Okay . Now in my mind I'm on time and I walk in the house like, y'all ready? Like I'm here and dad is frustrated and I'm going, you said be here at three 30 mm-hmm . <affirmative> . Now this is before cell phones . Um , right. I think I may have had a pager, but I , my parents never would've used it. Right. Uh, and so by the time I got there, they had already told my aunt and uncle to push dinner back by like an hour. Oh boy. And I had said, but why you told me to be here at three 30, it's 3 29, I'm on time. And dad said to me, it's inconsiderate for you to show up on time for people that are waiting for you. You show up early. Yes, Lord. And that's considered on time. Yes Lord. And it's the first time I had ever heard that. And I just remember thinking, because if they don't know Right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , and I'll wait until the , I'm still late. I'm still parking the car. Still walking in. Yeah . Do whatever. Yeah. And it was just such a good lesson and I do honor it. Although, like I said, Dre's Right. I've , I've fallen short <laugh> these last couple podcast rounds. Yeah . But it helped to instill in me , uh, you know, being earliest to be on time. And I'm gonna tell you , as far as I know our dad, I don't know him to be late now. Maybe that's the military background. Mm-hmm . Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . Yeah . I don't , I don't know him be like , can't think of one time ever. Mm-hmm . And for him to be on time is already late. To be early. Absolutely . Is to be on time. Yes. And that was the first time. And like you said, they definitely code to me different . They definitely code more to the internal side of me, the emotions and the consideration. But that is exactly what he said. He said, you're being careless with our time. How would you feel if someone was careless with yours? And he knows, I don't , I don't like that. Don't be. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well think about that. 'cause you need to work on it. And so when we talk about, you know, the codes that families teach, that they do not need to be broken anywhere. He understood that. You know, if you wanna disrespect yourself and be late to everything you got going on by yourself, go ahead . That's your business ahead . That's your business. But don't you do that to everybody else. Don't do it beyond fear . And if you do it as some , with something as simple as a dinner with your family, you will do it at work. You will do it for interviews, you will do it for deadlines and jobs. You will continue to perpetuate that behavior. And he really helped me kind of hone in on it. And so that, that, again, you , you don't want it to be broken anywhere. And that is the things that family codes definitely speak to that then should be put out into society as well. That you, you know, you wanna maintain. Don't do that. Don't be the person that, oh , Aras always late . Oh, Aras always this. And, you know, I , it's something I, I truly am doing my best to honor. And I'm good with work and film sets and all. That's never an issue. But I need to do better with podcasting with my brother <laugh> <laugh> .

Andre: 20:49

Well , so, so then what , uh, social codes have, have we passed on to our children?

Anitra: 20:57

So the big one for me, and it also came from our mother , um, and I , let me say this too , before I dig into this example, I like to assign this notion of challenge and or condemn. Okay. As part of the development of, you know, wanting to get the family legacy. But because there are social codes that either challenge us to be better or that's sometimes unknowingly condemn us and create like a sabotaging space in who we are authentically. Yeah. I think this is where we start to try to define what are we passing on? What was passed on? What

Andre: 21:35

Should we keep ? Yes ,

Anitra: 21:36

Absolutely. And what should we absolutely not keep? And so , um, let me start with just our , our, our dad. I feel like for him, he was kind of the epitome of do do as I say, not as I do.

Andre: 21:49

Absolutely. He was

Anitra: 21:50

A hundred percent like , and so this is where his mindset was, I am challenging you to be better. There's a legacy that I'm establishing, but I want you to be better than me. So dad may say, watch your mouth, don't curse. But we know our dad cursed like sailor , like

Andre: 22:05

Sailor boy

Anitra: 22:06

<laugh> . I don't believe he ever cursed at work. I don't believe he ever cursed at don't public spaces. I don't believe that either . Believe we don't really know. But at home he would let it fly. No, I've seen it . But he would also say, watch

Andre: 22:16

Around . And he , he would never curse in public spaces. Never. But yes. At home. Yeah . Yes.

Anitra: 22:21

He let it fly. Now our mom, I, I think I can count on one hand the time that she's, the times that she's cursed. And I think good chunk of those less than five kind of things were probably her repeating <laugh> something that someone said. Right . You know, it just never was in her d n a . She just didn't really like it. And so what's interesting is I became a really interesting blend of the, the two of them eventually. But I was first more like my dad. I used to curse like a sailor get in trouble for it, <laugh> . And dad would say, stop cursing. And it challenged me. 'cause I'd be like, you curse now. I never say that. I don't , I wanna live, but I felt like that you curse. Why are you telling me? Right . And it would be the do as I say, and not as I do. Same thing with television. Like you guys, we were raised, we didn't have any sort of rules about seeing any sort of content on television. No . I never remember my dad saying, there was no parental control . Close your eyes or walk away or come back in five minutes or fast forward through this scene. He would simply say, what you see on television stays on television, not Dave ,

Andre: 23:24

Don't you repeat what you say ,

Anitra: 23:25

Don't you repeat ,

Andre: 23:26

Repeat what you hear.

Anitra: 23:27

That you behave that way. And that again, was branding, coding. Yeah. And so for me, it created a , and I wanna say this way a challenge because we know that it's much easier to, to to behave according to what you've seen, modeled what you've seen demonstrated. Absolutely . Just easier to do that. But dad, you know, our parents weren't playing that. It didn't matter if they were doing it. If they told us the better version of you is doing what I say and not what I do. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , then that's the legacy, then that's the brand. And that can become challenging. And so I had to learn to overcome cursing, you know, all those things. And so what I noticed with my situation is my mom is prone to , uh, apologize a lot, even when there's no need for an apology. Yeah. And I never paid attention to it. Oh my God . Until I got called out on set and network work and around friends, they'd be like, why are you apologizing? Like you didn't do anything. And I was like, do I do that a lot? And they were like, yeah. Oh my God . Well here's a full-blooded piece about coding, bro, bro. When I started working on trying to stop doing that. Right. Uh, I , it was, it was a challenge for me. And, and one of , uh, I think it was in a mentoring session, but one , someone said to me, and it just helped me, he said, ask your son why? You know, does mommy apologize? You notice she does that a lot. Number one. Number two, if so, why does he think I do it? And that's gonna break. 'cause our kids Right. Are being coded the way we are coded. Yes , yes . Right , wrong or indifferent. Yes . Yes . So I came to Malachi , I said, Hey, have you noticed, does mommy apologize a lot? He was like, oh, all the time. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. <laugh> . And I noticed he does it too, right? Yeah. And I was like, I do. And he , but I knew it had to be true. 'cause now a lot of people have been saying, and I had noticed it in arm and I didn't like it. 'cause like , it would be something like, I , I would wake up and, and , um, turn on the light by accident. So, and , and I'm the one that turned on the light, Dre. And then she was like, oh, I'm sorry. And I'm like, where are you? Sorry I turned on the light. <laugh> , you should be getting on me . Right. Because she's, you know, and so when I asked k Kai Malachi, what, what did he said, because you need to know that the other person is okay in order for you to be okay. Now this is a , he , at that time, he was 10. It's a 10 year old boy. Wow. And mind you, the mentor session I had, they said, your kids know you really well. Yes , yes . So they're always going to give you some authentic truth. And he said, so then I understood, oh, so I'm putting other people's wellbeing before mine. Now, in some cases, empathy is good. In other cases, when you need to make changes, you need to be aware. And so once that hit me, then I started working on it. So now this over apologizing changes to thank you for your patience. Right. <laugh>. Right , right . Thank you for your patience, Andre, for my tardiness mm-hmm . <affirmative> rather than, you know, I'm so sorry I'm late again. Right. <laugh> . And it doesn't give us a coverup or a pass , but it's changing the way that we talk. And that's just one of many examples. Yeah, yeah , yeah . But I started to see how I got it from mom and I passed it to Kai . And so in , in our house here, we have basically an apology jar. And so the option is if you are apologizing for, you know, for just incorrect reasons, 'cause we all have , have struggled with it, you gotta put some money in that jar. Oh, wow . Where you gotta write something nice about yourself because we, we all do it more than we do it . We need to. And , and again, family coding is also about proximity and time that you spend. Yeah . So again, this challenge notion is sometimes you're challenging to be better. You , there's a brand you're trying to establish, but the proximity pushes against that. Right . I wanna stop eating this, but everybody bringing it in the house, you know , I wanna change. And so you have to put some parameters in there. And the last thing I'll say, and I broad , I'm gonna kick it back to you , is when it comes to, you know, the family codes , uh, not all those family codes are going to, I'll I'll say integrate into your personal identity. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> . Absolutely. And so that's okay. You wanna honor what makes sense and what is good, and then it's okay to, to change that. This is like classic the the people that were raised in church. And as soon as they get out of their parents' home, they're like, this doesn't integrate me , me and I , I wanna say church . Well, I'm wanna say a couple of things . Church. 'cause church is different from spiritual. Yes, it is . Yes . And , and , um, faith-based things that are one-on-one with God. Our one of our family members, I don't wanna be too specific here. Uh, when he first moved to La <laugh> and he was raised in church and his latter years, he never wanted to be in church. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . But so when he first moved to la, one of his first like side hustle gigs was, and you know, this church is so trifling, but they would pay certain people to basically air quotes , uh, um, raise the spirit. So he was paid to basically God pretend to get happy. Right. Oh my God . And that would lead into praise. And when he was telling me the story, I, first of all, I just, I was laughing. I couldn't believe it. My God . Second of all, shame on that church. God , I know God is not pleased. Absolutely. But what happened was he would do this job and they had it all worked out where he and this other guy would get to hooping and hollering and he'd fall and that guy catch him. And, and he said, and I said, well, it's a , that's a pretty good gig. You know, <laugh> right ? I said , what happened ? So clearly you don't care. So, so what happened? And well, I guess one day the guy didn't catch him and he went down and hit his head <laugh> . And he said, I didn't go there anymore . I said, that was God getting you right . Because he was about to strike that church down . <laugh> . So, but the idea is that was part of the coding as he grew up not really liking church, then he saw this kind of facade in that. And so sometimes certain things just won't integrate into who you are. And I think that's where, if, if it's going to be a space where it is, is really is sabotaging who you are. It really is creating something in your character that is not good. And yes, family legacies, you know, can do that. Family coding , they definitely can, can bring bring on things that are condemning for your identity, then yeah, you gotta definitely get some space and change it. But I think those are examples of things that we can pass on. And I think if it challenges you to be better mm-hmm . <affirmative> and strive for the best version of yourself, then fight within yourself to make it better. Fight to, to grab hold of it, to develop it, keep pushing. And don't get upset if you don't get it. You know, right away. If it takes time, if it's condemning and it's sabotaging to your authentic self, then fight to let go of it. Fight to let go of it. Yeah . So what , what are your thoughts there, bro? No,

Andre: 29:35

I, I was saying wow. When you were talking about, you know, the apologizing, 'cause I do that. Um , and I didn't realize I got that from mom. I do that all the time. I am , well , you know, dad and grandma never Apol . Never listen. Neither one of them ever apologized . <laugh> listen. And , and , and , but , but what's what's funny is, is I'm looking at Daniela, Corrine and Corey . They don't apologize for nothing like <laugh> at all. Like, I'm , I'm so, I'm so, so they , uh, so, so that part of mom, which mm-hmm . <affirmative> is part of me, did not integrate in them. 'cause they don't apologize for nothing. But, but the part of dad that's gone through me, that, that has integrated in Corinne and Corey , I know not so much Daniella . Mm-hmm . <affirmative> is da dad's quiet, reserved, you know, demeanor. Whether it's in , in person , uh, in private or in public. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , um, Corinne and Corey . Yeah. When we all get in public, we, we don't talk to nobody. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . We don't say nothing to anybody. We're not social beings at all. Sure. Sure. And , and, and , um, I noticed that they do that. And I never said to them, you know, Hey, don't be telling our business. They just, I know they've watched me hundred percent . And they know that I find real joy in being the mysterious person in the room. 'cause I feel like the more you talking too much in public, exposes too much of who you are privately. So Yeah . Just , you know, don't talk. Don't , don't , don't, don't let 'em know your next move. Right. Right . Like , don't , don't tell nobody anything. <laugh> . Right. So, so, so that evidently does integrate well for Corin and Cory . Yeah . Yeah. Because that's who they are now. They have a very small circle, always have had a very small circle. And when they're in public, they don't , when they're in private, they just, you know, they still just ain't getting talk talk much. So yeah, there is definitely some validity to , you know, this is how, this is what I saw mom and dad do. So I started doing it, but then there's some things I don't carry on with me. And then there's some things that I do because I see, you know, what benefits it for me personally, I think it does benefit me to stay quiet and not let people know. Yeah . My business. Sure . For me personally and professionally, it's good to stay quiet and not, you know, not, you know, because the people I, I, you know, professionally who I'm connected with, I'm in mental health and I'm in, you know, church. And these are two sets of people that you don't want to know your personal business. Like, listen, listen. Can use wisdom. <laugh> , listen. Listen . So listen, listen. Because there was a time, yo So yeah, I'm in mental health and I'm in theology pastoring. So I'm in shepherding. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . There was a time where I shared a little bit about myself. And as a result of sharing that about myself, I ended up with a stalker. Now ask me, Ooh , which one did that come from? The mental health or the pastoring? Which, you know what I'm saying, <laugh> . Listen. Listen. Some of y'all , was it the church? It was the church. <laugh> . Oh , that's so devastating. I thought it would've been the mental health <laugh> . Like it's a , it's a , it's a shame when I gotta be more quiet with church folk than a bipolar patient. <laugh> than a schizo affected patient. Oh , no , no . So I even, they have boundaries. They're like, that's right . Right . Even a paranoid schizophrenic. Like, well I ain't finn to do that. First of all, I don't know if it's re talking or his voice in my head. So I ain't nothing <laugh> . So lemme start there, you know, pause , you know , you know, so, so quiet works for me, right? Mm-hmm . Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , talkative. My mom's a very social person. I've never gone anywhere with mom where she wasn't talking to at least five or six people that she does not know. And for her that she gonna know nobody else works well , that works well. She's never been, you know, we, no stalker ends up at her door. But <laugh> , but me, but me. I say one thing, my last name and my first name. Next thing you know, I got somebody at my door. You know what Uhuh, I got people mailing me stuff. Certified mail to make sure I got , I'll tell you too , that's when I got to the point where I was like, no, you know what works for me, dad works for me. I is golden . Keep my mouth closed. Keep my mouth closed. I mean, I'm telling you, listen, and I know this is Todd . I know I passed that on Corin walks around, leaves the house with her Bluetooth beats on, ain't listening to anything. Why? So there were people talk to her. <laugh> , she, she just , she just keeps going. I know <laugh> . I know she ain't listening to nothing. I know. She's not listening to nothing. <laugh> . I know she's not listening to nothing. <laugh> . And , you know , I don't want to talk. There have been listen, and I just, I just smile when she come out. She put the beats on. I just smile. I just smile because I know s Shelly . 'cause her she'll tell you in the hot minute when, when it is just you. Yeah. My phone really don't work. Uh, I don't like to use anything on my data playing . Only we on wifi , we out in the boondock. She got on her beats folks trying to talk to her. She's ignoring them . So like, yeah. Yeah. If I just keep nodding my head, they'll just stop <laugh> and Corey will do the same thing. Corey wears her little air pods and listen, listen, that I have passed on to them. The Evans family , uh, social code <laugh> , keep your mouth closed. Don't tell people your business <laugh> . Uh , and , and , and it , and that has worked. But then there are other things that, that won't work , uh, for them. They don't. I , I , I , grandma passed along to me, you know, very smart mouth and , and just judgmental conversation about people. Right. So, you know, where I could see somebody be like, Hey , up the Lord , <laugh> , <laugh> . Like see my , like , why would you come out your house looking like that <laugh> ? You know , you know. But they don't do that. They don't do it at all. Like, they don't do it in front of me. They don't do it by themselves. They don't do that. That's good . They, that they let you know. But there's this, you know, we're in , I don't know, a part of it's is we're at different times. 'cause back in the eighties mm-hmm. <affirmative> , he was a he, but today, yeah . No , it's different . I might have to be like, wait, are you, she , they like , and I'm not making fun of it. It's , it's just what it is right now. Yep . And , and , and , but , and so for Corin and Cory , they don't come out and assume anybody is anything. Anything. Right. Right . And this is the world. They've, they've grown up. Yeah . So, so that coding stopped, went from, grandma stopped with me because Corin and Corey , they , they don't make the assumptions. They don't make the judgment calls. And so that's so good. So you are , you are so right. Some things integrate, some things don't integrate mm-hmm . <affirmative> . And , um, but, but the beauty, beauty of that is, is just like you said, the things that don't integrate those then would've been the things that tear down our brand deeply that tear down the Evans brand. So they had to stop. And then those things we kept going. That's because they improve or they protect the Evans brand. And so that social coding, this is who the Evans are always gonna be socially, this is how they're gonna be behave socially. This is gonna be their, their their frame of mind socially. So yeah. They , yeah. Yeah, yeah . I , I echo everything that, that you said. Some integrate, some don't, but all of them, what you choose to do , uh, from what you learn from your parents, your grandparents, your siblings, you know, choose those things that improve your brand and prove Yeah . Who you are. Prove your legacy and stop doing those things that are Yeah . That tear that tear down. That tear it down. Absolutely. Tear it down. Absolutely. Are we ready to jump into the transformational perspective or few other things you wanted to point out? No , let's, let's jump right into it . Let's jump right . The transformational perspective that is, is , is, you know , uh, there's always a cheat code, right? <laugh> . <laugh> . And , and , and the reason why we said it this way is because it doesn't, it doesn't matter what kind of coding your family , uh, your parents may have instilled. There's always gonna be either one sibling or that sibling may be you. If you just tell the truth, <laugh> , there's always gonna be something you do that cheats the code in order to try to continue to get the , you know, the benefits that come with following the , the family code. Because codes have to always involve , uh, evolve, excuse me. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , they gotta always evolve. Right? What, what worked from my dad at my age doesn't work for me. Yeah, that's good. But then, but then <laugh> , the cheat code isn't always the right thing to do. So sometimes the , the cheat code, sometimes you're breaking a code in order to try to make an accomplishment, but you're not doing it the right way. It's not the moral way. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , it's not the upstanding way. But I feel like as of the two of us, I'm the one that always tried the cheat code. 'cause there were Yes , definitely some things that you learned not to do because of my punishment. You learned or , and there's some things that you didn't get to do because of my punishment <laugh>. So, so here I am trying to cheat the code and you're the benefactor of the lesson of trying to cheat the code, trying to mm-hmm . <affirmative> get around me trying to get around some type of punishment or anything. And then , and so yeah. So, so there's, while there is always someone trying to cheat the code , uh, yeah. There's, there's, there's, yeah, there's, there's lessons to be learned <laugh> and things that, that uh, that uh , yeah. That ooh Jesus, that help evolve you as well. If you're the one that that's learning the lesson or you're the one that's watching the lesson being learned indirectly. But, but here's the question. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , is it all necessary, right? Right . Are social codes necessary? Is it necessary as a parent to instill a code of conduct that represents your family into your children? Is it necessary or as a child, is it necessary to learn it and keep it going? That, that's my question. I'm gonna kick that to you.

Anitra: 39:59

Yeah, absolutely. It's, and it's so true. 'cause I, I think about it differently. And you already talked about the importance of evolving. 'cause life evolves, we evolve , things changed . So growing up when mom would say to me, you know, nothing is happening after 11:00 PM or nothing's open after 11:00 PM but a liquor store and a pair of legs. And I'd be like, oh my gosh, why are you so extra, da , da da . And then pretty soon you'd be out enough after 11:00 PM and you , you realize, man, nothing positive, productive is happening, you know, after this. And, and so, you know, she's trying to establish, you know, the quality of life that speaks to who I am as a lady that speaks to protection. Right. Right . And that reminds me that, you know, the , there's a quality and a standard that you are trying to, you don't even realize you're going to , um, vacate. That you're going to sacrifice because you just want to be out here doing, you know, whatever you wanna be doing. 'cause you're ignorant of, and it's like you said , uh, that's the cheat code, right ? I want the freedom to simply just go and do what I wanna do. And my mom is establishing a standard standard that says, protect yourself. Protect yourself from the way that people will try to treat you. Or because of That's Anitra . Yeah . She always kicking it late. Yeah . She always out late, but we can assume that she wants to do X, y, and Z. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> mm-hmm. <affirmative> . And so it's, it's important that we don't try to get the loophole, but just respect the wisdom of either the elders, your older siblings, the people in your life when they are trying to give you this code. There's wisdom there. 'cause they've been through it. Right . They know what's happening after 11:00 PM Right . That's why they're saying it. Right. Right . Whether they experienced it or they witnessed someone else <laugh> , you know mm-hmm . <affirmative> mm-hmm . <affirmative> going through some hardships. They're trying to say it. I think another example I'll just throw in here is , uh, I think we define it as like toxic masculinity, you know, in today's terms. But this notion that boys, men shouldn't cry, can't cry, keep all , like, bottle all that in the negative stigma around this notion of, oh , you gotta be tough. You know, you gotta be, you know, you can't cry, can't show emotion. That's a another situation where that's a a , an old school social code that thank goodness we're starting to break down and tear down and saying that no, that that was the cheat code of old , because that was the only way that sometimes, you know, maybe a single parent understood. Or that was the code that a man got from his father, his uncles absolutely. His cousins. And he passed it on to his son. Mm-hmm . And then you're seeing the detriment that it had, the , the impact that it had mentally, emotionally, even professionally, when you are keeping all that stuff bottled up. Absolutely. And so we're pushing against that cheat code because that really is what it comes down to when a young boy, a young man is crying and, and they're, they're trying to figure out why they can't allow these emotions to flow. The cheat code is you're a man, you don't do that. Yeah . Be tough.

Andre: 42:46

Right . You don't

Anitra: 42:47

Do it. Right . But the reality is, Jesus wep , the reality is God gave us, come on , tear ducks. Come on, God , come on . Created tear ducks come ,

Andre: 42:55

He created emotion.

Anitra: 42:57

<laugh> he created emotion. Right? Yeah . So there is, he's giving this to us because he intends for us to use them in and he's willing to show us and teach us how to understand that. Yes . Yeah . And so that's just both sides of it. You know, that the cheat code, whether it's me trying to hustle something that I want and I just don't wanna acknowledge that there's wisdom and protection in place. Right. Or if it's really ignorance Right. That's created a cheat code that then we need to challenge and, and Correct. I think when it comes to that, you know, transformational perspective is that, you know, it's a protection as , as bro bro said, it's self preservation is a balance that we need to kind of look for in familiar social codes and, and really the mind , the mindset is just being open-minded to always considering how you employ the codes. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . Right . What is this really gonna do? I am glad that my mom made me mindful of being out late after hours. Uh , not that she felt like I was going to do something inappropriate, but she wanted me to understand there's a standard that based on, you know, what happens at this time's, just gonna go against who you are and who your character is and what you want in the long term . So I think that speaks to that bottom line. Go ahead.

Andre: 44:06

Absolutely. And no, and that really is the bottom line. Because , 'cause because think about this, many of the codes, social codes, the social conducts, the family legacy, the family branding that you received , it's because Andre broke a law. Right . So we have to establish a code. Right, right, right . I tell people all the time in therapy, I tell people as a pastor all the time that the reason why God has laws , the reason why society has laws , 'cause somebody did something that endangered. Yep . Everybody. And so because of that, we now gotta develop a policy, a code. We gotta develop a statute, we gotta develop a law. Well, because of what Andre did, now mom and dad gotta develop <laugh> a code that said, listen, you can't be out at late 'cause ain't nothing but legs and liquor store open. Well dad, how you know? Well, because Andre's about to be a father at 16. That's how I know that part T that's how I know that's right . <laugh> . So that's why you can't be out. Right . That's why you can't go nowhere. That's why you gotta be in it . You gotta be in as soon as the sun touches the top of the, you know, setting and touch the top of their apartment , call us a

Anitra: 45:13

Magic hour <laugh> . Right.

Andre: 45:15

So that's why blame Andree for my , our social code. Listen , we just passed him down. Listen,

Anitra: 45:23

I such a good point. I just have to throw this a good

Andre: 45:27

Watch this there . Okay , wait . Watch line , watch this. I'm gonna let you have it. Just say, watch this. Corey said the other day, dad, do I have to do this? 'cause you screwed up as a child. And I had to say, yep , <laugh> . Yep .

Anitra: 45:40

That's all

Andre: 45:40

She say . Yep . So yes , the bottom line is absolutely protection and self preservation. <laugh> . And it's me protecting you child. It's me self , you know , preserving your life , child, your life. Yeah . She looking at me like, but you did it. You did . Who did it ? And I'm like, I know. And you don't wanna know what it did to me, so Oh no , I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go to bed. There was just remember one time they were, they were young and they were young <laugh> and we , we you , no , you can't play outside. I remember one time Corey had to go to bed and she looked at , at Tina was like, but the sun is still out. That's

Anitra: 46:27

Right . <laugh> , the sun is still shining.

Andre: 46:30

I don't care. I don't care if you knew what I did when the sun went down. You understand why you gotta go to bed while it's still out.

Anitra: 46:41

<laugh>

Andre: 46:42

Self-preservation, poor and protection. I'm telling you. Self-preservation. Oh god . And protection. Absolutely. I love

Anitra: 46:49

It. You , you just, you just made me think, and this is gonna be really short and we'll, we'll move on into the , the quick shot, but you just made me think about all of those warning labels. Take some time to read the warnings on appliances. Yeah . Take some time to read. Yeah . Because you , when you start to read 'em , you're saying to yourself, what? But I guarantee you, every single one that has been written and vetted by the legal teams, when you read the warning label on a , uh, on an iron and it says, do not iron your shirt while wearing it, that's because someone did it. Right . That's because when you go to the old school McDonald's and it , it says, caution coffee is hot, do not place it, you know, by your , your body parts your leg. Right. Right . That's because someone tried to soothe them. Right. For the temperature in the coffee that they put between their legs. <laugh> , listen,

Andre: 47:41

At the end of every warning is a grandmother or a mother that's saying to a knucklehead, well , you act like you got some sense.

Anitra: 47:49

Act like you got some sense <laugh>.

Andre: 47:51

Guarantee it.

Anitra: 47:54

Oh God. That is so good. That is so good. All right , well, so let's jump into our quick shot 'cause we gotta wrap out this episode, but those warnings are, are something else. Um , Broo , you got a quick shot?

Andre: 48:05

I do. I do. I was, again, you know, me too . I love, I I love being on Twitter. That's probably the only social media I like being on, but I saw a tweet concerning <laugh> , just so code of conduct, social conduct, and, and it was from a parent, and the parent said he was , and the parent says to my kid, he says, the way I'm teaching you to behave, I want you to treat it like underwear. It's always good to have, you don't need to show it off, but just act like you got 'em on

Anitra: 48:32

<laugh>. Yeah. Oh , that is so awesome. Yeah .

Andre: 48:37

And I really, I had to think about that for I second , you know what those, that's social codes right there.

Anitra: 48:41

That's so perfect.

Andre: 48:42

That's social codes. I act like listen ,

Anitra: 48:45

Even , even if you're not wearing them , act like you're wearing

Andre: 48:47

Them . <laugh> , I need to act . I need to al there , social conduct of behavior. Great to have. I don't need to show it off. Like I'm pumping a pie . Good. And I need to act like I got some sense at all times. Yes.

Anitra: 49:01

I love it. I love it. All right . So I just have a few examples of , um, family social codes as well as kind of traditional societal , uh, social codes. Okay . But I think they all start , should start at home, typically. Okay . But then , and obviously when they don't, then this is where these issues , you know, become an issue. So I'm gonna give you some examples of like these kind of family social codes or social codes. And you could say, keep it, you know, I think this is something you would keep, that you should, we should maintain or lose it. No , that one can go away. Okay.

Andre: 49:31

All right .

Anitra: 49:32

All right . All right . So here we go. First one, what happens in the family stays in the family.

Andre: 49:37

Oh, go keep that. Absolutely keep that. Because right now the , you know , keep that <laugh> , but several reasons. Number one, the society we live in that's too accepting of too many family dynamics. And , and , and what I mean, <laugh> <laugh> . So , so here's what I mean. Like, I , I, sometimes I'm out with Brent and Corey and I see a whole family acting a fool. And I , my whole face is like, why do we allow this as society? Like why <laugh> ? Why do we give these people a license to drive? Why do they have a right, I'm , I'm sounding, I'm sounding like the right, why do they have a right to vote? Why do they

Anitra: 50:15

Oh no .

Andre: 50:16

Because it's like, I can't, no . And so, so for me, it's, yeah, absolutely. I'm saying to myself as a family, you all should have kept that in your home. Like, don't bring that out for us to see .

Anitra: 50:28

Don't bring that to the mall .

Andre: 50:29

We , we all have been lessened by a few brain cells because you brought that out, <laugh> . No, no. What happens in family ? Keep that at home. Keep it in effect. Keep that at home. Absolutely love . Keep your dirty laundry at home. Keep your stuff going on between your , your marriage at home. Keep stuff happening in your kids at home,

Anitra: 50:46

Full on conversations in the elevator, full on discussions. You , why are I to this? Why , why am

Andre: 50:51

I involved in this? I feel like Corin , where are my beats ? <laugh> ,

Anitra: 50:56

My , my ears have been right .

Andre: 50:59

I cannot unhear this.

Anitra: 51:03

All right , here's another one. Speaking quietly in public places.

Andre: 51:08

Oh, please, yes, <laugh> . Yes, yes.

Anitra: 51:13

We don't see that at all. Like, everybody talks loud on the phone. Way too loud each other. Way too loud. Well , we were raised that way. We were raised. Keep your voice down. Right ? And even to the point where grandma used to get on mom, because she never, she always is loud. Grandpa was always loud. And she'd be like, please stop being so loud. Like, right . Oh , that's a home training. Oh my

Andre: 51:33

Gosh. Why you so loud? Like, first of all, and it goes right back to the first one. Why did you assume? I want to hear your conversation.

Anitra: 51:42

I don't wanna hear it.

Andre: 51:44

I don't <laugh> like I practice minding my own business. I need your business to mind its own business.

Anitra: 51:50

Minding own business, <laugh> mind. So come on , teach your business, <laugh> . Okay, here's another one. Chew with your mouth closed.

Andre: 52:00

Oh gosh. <laugh>

Anitra: 52:03

At all times. I'm not talking about public. I'm talking about is it a family code or practice that you should chew with your mouth closed. Uh , keep it or lose it.

Andre: 52:11

I, I, I, that's such a culturally based thing. I , we were raised to keep your mouth closed. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> , um, oh , that one's, yeah . I'm gonna say keep it just simply because again, it's, I I don't wanna see what you're chewing. I don't want to hear what you're chewing <laugh> . I don't

Anitra: 52:30

Wanna hear it. Just , it's not an ASMR video.

Andre: 52:33

No . Right , right. <laugh> , I don't need, I don't need my senses. <laugh> , I stimulated. You can eat,

Anitra: 52:38

You can eat quietly. It is possible to eat quietly. It's absolutely possible. And we got in trouble. You don't remember all the time you yelling at me like , Nicki , stop smacking. And , and here's the thing. I had to learn to stop smacking

Andre: 52:48

<laugh> . I was , this was me helping you with self preservation. Right? Because I had to learn the hard way to stop chewing with my mouth open. Stop smacking

Anitra: 52:59

Your plate. Stack your plate, right ?

Andre: 53:01

I , you know, I , I, at , at the beginning of my life of eating <laugh> , and mom said, stop smacking. I always wondered why it was called smacking until she smacked me . And then I was like, oh yeah . Oh , this is one of those didactic terms. <laugh> , you learn as you're doing it . You learn as

Anitra: 53:23

You

Andre: 53:24

Learn doing it. <laugh> . Oh, <laugh> . Oh ,

Anitra: 53:28

Oh God . This

Andre: 53:30

One . But , but see, the reason why I'm so hesitant, 'cause then when me and the girls went to Beijing, well , what do they do then ?

Anitra: 53:36

Ah , they smack, they they smack and slurp like this . That slurp the noodles .

Andre: 53:40

Yeah . So , so , so how do you tell a culture, stop doing that. Leave that at home.

Anitra: 53:45

Was it bothersome? Like when you did it bother you guys?

Andre: 53:47

The only reason why it bothered us, because the way we were raised.

Anitra: 53:51

That's such a good point then. So that might

Andre: 53:53

Be a lose . But I wasn't raised that way. It would not have bothered me at

Anitra: 53:57

All . There you go . So that might be a lose it or case by case . That's a ,

Andre: 54:00

That's a case by case . Let me look at your family first and I'll tell you whether or not you should keep it or lose it.

Anitra: 54:07

Well, here's the thing. If everybody collectively is doing it, then why would it bother ? Like, that's just how we eat.

Andre: 54:12

And that's why I say culturally, everybody

Anitra: 54:14

Is eating quietly. But you maybe <laugh> ,

Andre: 54:17

Right? You are the one in the , they gonna be looking like, what ? You don't enjoy the food? And I'd be like, no. I was just raised by good people. <laugh> . I raised by <laugh> , right ? I was raised by good people. You , unc, you unc, unc,

Anitra: 54:33

Take yourself . Alright , uh, okay, here's another one. Uh , making sure the house is clean before welcoming house guests . And this may be with a side note, <laugh> , the difference between family room and living room, right? <laugh> ,

Andre: 54:47

No , sorry . I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna say this. Growing up, I would say keep it, but as an adult, I say lose . And the reason why , listen, listen. If you come in my house and my house is a mess, my hope is that you say, oh , I ain't never coming over there again. Then it worked .

Anitra: 55:06

<laugh> , because you want them to leave . That's so awful.

Andre: 55:09

Then it worked .

Anitra: 55:10

Okay . That's condemning, right ?

Andre: 55:12

<laugh> ,

Anitra: 55:12

You work on that . Condemning

Andre: 55:13

Who though? Because to me , who's that condemning your

Anitra: 55:16

Family and your friends who went to see you? I ain . Listen , and probably your , your nose is probably a little bit <laugh> , you know , gotten messy. Cutting gross. That's

Andre: 55:25

<laugh> , that's championing the moment. If I know I don't want you to come visit, then I've gotta set up stop . Look ,

Anitra: 55:31

Your house is clean and you just mess it up. Just because they come over.

Andre: 55:34

As soon as someone says, Hey, I'm on my way. I'm, I'm passing it up. I'm putting stuff everywhere. Oh my . Like , when they walk in and be like, there's no place to sit. You right. You should go <laugh> . You should go. You probably should turn around.

Anitra: 55:49

Oh , okay. All right . We gotta round it . Let's do just a few more. Um, respecting other people's personal space.

Andre: 55:56

Oh, keep it. Yeah, keep it, man. Just keep it. Um, <laugh> . Just

Anitra: 56:01

Keep it as all I'm saying . <laugh> . Just ,

Andre: 56:03

Well , because there's so , there's so many layers to that. You know, not, I don't have a a in my circle. I don't have a lot of people that like their personal space violated. Sure. You know? Um, so no, keep that because you don't know what the other per keep it from me personally. Keep it because Yeah. I just, I don't, yeah, I don't want you in

Anitra: 56:26

My space. I don't , I don't wanna be that close to you. <laugh> .

Andre: 56:28

Yeah. I don't wanna be that . Yeah, I don't. Yeah. I don't even know what you ate. I don't wanna smell you.

Anitra: 56:32

Look, it's making him cringey now. He skin crawling out . Like , feel like you right here.

Andre: 56:39

Yeah . Come on . Keep your space, man. <laugh> . Oh , three

Anitra: 56:43

Feet. Three feet, right ?

Andre: 56:44

No , right . I , six feet. What's that ? Six feet. <laugh> . What's that ? What's that statement? That one statement that was on , uh, social media. Like the devil came up and said, I'm here to, I'm going mess up your world. And he said, I looked back the devil. I said, six feet back, devil . Six feet back.

Anitra: 57:01

<laugh> . I love it . <laugh> .

Andre: 57:03

Six feet back.

Anitra: 57:04

Six feet. <laugh> . I love it. All right . Let's do maybe, maybe one or two more. Um, this is an interesting one. Uh, children should be seen and not heard.

Andre: 57:13

Lose it. Yeah. Lose . Absolutely lose it. Um, I, I have never been a fan of that thought process number one, because I have found that a lot of children are more intellectually sound than adults. Hundred percent . I'd like to reverse it. Adults should be seen and not heard .

Anitra: 57:28

<laugh> not heard. Oh, no . <laugh> . That sounds like boss baby <laugh> .

Andre: 57:35

That , that sounds like joy. I I love to hear kids. I love to hear kids. Listen.

Anitra: 57:40

That's biblical. You was like,

Andre: 57:42

Hmm . Bring I mouths of babes. I love it . I love it. Like , but you as an adult, when you shut up, you go sit down and you shut up. You shut up. Take a

Anitra: 57:51

Nap. Go think about it. <laugh> . Yeah . I love it. Um, I like this one refraining from eating smelly foods in public or around other people.

Andre: 58:02

So I'm gonna say keep it, but it ain't even about the other people. I personally just don't like smelly foods. <laugh>. I , yeah . I can't. Mm-hmm . Don't

Anitra: 58:13

Be bringing your stinky stuff about like eat that. Grandpa used to get in so much trouble with grandma. She , 'cause he used to eat like the raw onions and the raw green onion. No , see , I'm okay with that . He would

Andre: 58:23

Kill him . I'm okay with that. No. She used to be like , your Kitts in your house. Leave your , leave your , I can't. I don't even like smell a tuna. The tuna in your house. Salmon patties. Not salmon, but salmon patties. Leave that in your house. I don't wanna smell none . Listen you on that. That brand new keto diet from grease leave that in your house. You No . Leave that in your house. I don't wanna smell that. No. Oh , you don't wanna be a turn my stomach? 'cause you trying to eat some special diet. No . Leave that in your house. <laugh> . This , this , if this is a public space, you need to have smells that the public are okay to smell it .

Anitra: 59:03

To smell. Period. So don't eat it beforehand. Right . Don't bring in it past , uh, don't be chewing on some garlic and they walk . I love it . All right . Last one. And this one's interesting 'cause I , it talk speaks to that kind of evolution. But , um, ladies first

Andre: 59:17

No , no. Keep that. Uh , and , and there's actually a, a , a method, a way you do that. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> , uh, keep that number one, because we protect our women when we understand the priority of our women. So when I say ladies first, I'm talking, it's a priority. So for instance, if, if we're going out of a door into a dark hallway, she doesn't go first, but she's still priority. I open the door. That's , I go into the dark hallway, then she comes in. Mm-hmm . Was I less chivalrous ? No, because we don't know what's in that dark hallway. Good. So it's the priority. Now if I step out of a door that's glass, I can see what's out and there's no harm or danger, what I'm doing is I'm opening the door for her. That's good. So, so to me it's a mindset of priority. I think when we protect our women, we actually protect so many things in relationships. We protect love, we protect peace. We protect just we, yeah. We just protect so many things to o' keep that one ladies first. The priority ladies should be the priority. Yeah. Keep that for sure.

Anitra: 1:00:25

I love it. I'm gonna throw this one in here just because it , it gets under my skin when people don't do this. Waiting in line politely.

Andre: 1:00:35

Uh , yeah. Keep it. Uh, 'cause yeah, people get on my nerves that complain when they're in line or try to cheat and cut the line , uh, all of that. It's just like

Anitra: 1:00:46

Aggravating you . My thing is , if you don't have to get it, then leave, leave. Go get it somewhere else. Order online or come back later . Or even

Andre: 1:00:51

If you do have to get it, if you see the line leave, go get it online . Go someplace else with it . Maybe shorter , but don't get in line. And I have to listen to your , and then be right behind me, tapping me on my shoulder and complaining. I

Anitra: 1:01:03

Less than three feet <laugh> less than three feet. Listen . Sigh and huffing and puffing.

Andre: 1:01:09

Do I look like I'm a suggestion box? Shut up. Shut

Anitra: 1:01:13

Up. Or asking the question. Well , they don't have any other checkers. Clearly they don't. 'cause they're not here.

Andre: 1:01:18

Am I , am , am I hr? Do I know? No. Leave me alone. Like , oh , go someplace else. See , you know what? I'm gonna let cor Corin is teaching me a social code right now. I'm gonna wear these beats everywhere

Anitra: 1:01:33

I go. I'm telling you. So they just don't have to talk to you. But yeah , you're one of those people that gets impatient and you are waiting in line. Be polite. Just suck . Suck it up and wait till you get out. Then get upset. Don't <laugh> while you're in the line. Hush your mouth. Absolutely . I love it.

Andre: 1:01:48

I think this is a general rule. People should be quiet.

Anitra: 1:01:51

<laugh> . See you said that just

Andre: 1:01:53

As a general rule, it's totally, I feel like everything I answered was just be quiet <laugh> . I think just be quiet. The golden isn't that it? Silence is golden. Just be

Anitra: 1:02:03

Quiet. Silence is golden. Just be quiet. Ease one mouth . Listen twice as much. Have you think you a quota your listening quota . It should

Andre: 1:02:10

Be Don't talk like, just be quiet <laugh> . Just be quiet.

Anitra: 1:02:15

Oh , I love it. Alright , so pro bro . What do you have for the final

Andre: 1:02:18

Blow? So, so for the final blow, you know, we, we've really been talking about just no , we've labeled it social codes. But what we're really kind of been talking about is what are those things we instill in our children? What are those things that we're instilled in you that when you stick to these things, life just becomes better for your , your , your , you see a more appropriate and acceptable behavior mindset, management of feelings, the activities that you do that just kind of create a , a better life. And it's so important to pass those things down. And so while we are , we're kind of coming from a sibling connection or perspective, it also goes into more of a parental pass down from generation to generation. And , and you know what , what , what a family brand often does is it leaves something for our children that becomes a question comes what family brand are we leaving for our children? We don't instill acceptable social codes or codes of conduct or behaviors. Then we leave actually nothing for them because their behaviors won't be able to handle society's efforts to take what they do have from you . Uh , and and here's where I get that from. In , um, the book of Proverbs, Solomon writes in 13 chapter , he writes, A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> . But the sinner's wealth is laid up for the righteous. And , and , and here's what that, because this is a book of wisdom. So here's what that means . What you pass down to your children, whatever they hold onto , whatever , uh, integrates within , it's either going to make a better life for them or it's going to cause them to lose great in life . So when Solomon Wright at inheritance and then sinners laid , well laid up, what he's really talking about is did you teach your children and your children? Did you pass down generation to generation? A code of conduct that's something that they can inherit and build and find value in? Or did you let them just kind of run amuck , mentally, emotionally, behaviorally, and now everything is taken from them because you didn't put a good code within them so that they can make it so that they could thrive and survive in this, in society, thrive and survive socially at the end of every single day. What I have, what Nikki has , what you have, what your siblings have, what your parents have is a code of conduct that helps you make it from day to day better than if you didn't have any boundaries, didn't have any coup , didn't have any morals. That code of conduct is definitely what allow you just , again , to make it with joy , make it with cheese , make it better today than we did on yesterday. So that's my my , I love it .

Anitra: 1:05:16

Fantastic. All right . And we'll come into the end of the episode. As always, we thank you so much for joining us yet again, please help us build the Savage Sibling community. Like , share, comment, leave a review, subscribe, send this episode to your favorite savage sibling. Help us grow it together. Maybe there's family social codes that you learned growing up that you want to share. Maybe there's a few of those social codes that you couldn't wait to let go of, to change the challenge to alter. Please share with us. We wanna hear from you. A huge shout out to our amazing team, the folks that work with us to make it all possible. Dwayne McClendon and Kyle Davis are sound editors. Ronnie Maxwell of Maxwell Music, our music producer, Keith Cross of Cake cross Photography, helping us with these amazing photos. Shout out to my niece , Dan , for all the web design marketing content. You are a beast. We love you Absolutely . To our parents for the d n a and all the funny soul life lessons. And of course to you, the listeners, we are so glad you're here with us. Well, until next time, remember, don't go through life alone. See you soon .